Today, I wore a floor length summer dress (it was -15 C), black with white flower stitching and no sleeves. Over it, I put a black netted button up shirt, and added my knee high four inch heeled black leather boots, that were hand-me-downs from a friend and are scratched up like you wouldn't believe. To this, I added a chain holding a cross made out of skulls around my neck, elbow length black lace gloves with open fingers, a white glitter headband and some black and white make-up. I forgot how much I enjoy putting myself together in the morning out of bits and pieces piled in my closet. I'm wicked Goth when I want to be, I've got all the corsets, striped leggings, lace and velvet skirts and tops and enough black, red and purple make-up and leather collars that I can really go all out when I'm feeling creative. Since the weekend of the MUN convention, I've been tired. I woke up that Monday exhausted, and it hasn't abaited in the slightest. That was... a month ago. Fuck.
My voice has taken on the gravley quality of a pack-a-day smoker, and I've taken to napping where ever I can (on the bus, during unimportant bits of class, on the floor when my family is having conversations that I don't feel like contributing to). My standard response to the often asked "how are you?" is always "tired", or some variation of the theme. That's not to say that I can sleep even when I have the time (would I be writing this at half-passed midnight if I could be sound asleep in bed?), just more that I've always had fucked up sleeping patterns and the fact that I excersise late at night and drink caffeinated beverages even later doesn't help. I've been fighting with insomnia since I was five years old. No joke.
To tie this back to the original topic, I picked out this outfit Sunday night, and therefore had enough time to get it together this morning. I did something similar on Friday, however my mind was still quite focused on interpersonal situations detailed in previous journal entries. For the last few weeks it's been dress pants, pinstriped shirts and my grey hoody without the hood, finished with two pairs of silver hoops in my ears (which I haven't taken out sinse just after Valentine's Day), and my black leather jacket and ancle boots. It was nice to dress up today.
I'm not trying to say that all of this hard work hasn't been paying off -- it has -- just that it's taken a lot out of me in the process. My marks are currently excellent. My relationship with the people around me has regained a normal tone. I'm taking a hand in assisting to deal with the school politics found in the system at the highschool level concerning the administration and the staff. The issues created by these blatant displays of power-struggling directly impact my education and my ability to recieve appropriate support in gaining access to the materials I need to gain said education in a timely manner and appropriate format. Whoa, run on sentence. And plus, some people are pissing me off. Some people are pissing other people off too, who are on my side and for whom I've been trying to advocate without getting directly involved. It's rather complex, and really not something I should be worrying about. And yet, if I don't say something, there are certain actions that will not be taken that, at this time, need to be taken in order to prevent the downfall of the structural balance which allows me and the other students in this category (VI), to work to their full potential.
Green tea is amazing. I'm dead serious. It's basically what I've been living on for the last month, and it rocks my socks.
In more uninteresting news (not that the rant above wasn't), my crush never replied to the invitation to my birthday dinner and therefore I have completely and utterly given up on her. I'm too busy to worry about it, at the moment. And... writing? Fannish amusements? What are those? My only restbits have been found in coffee shops, which I spend a startling and somewhat worryingly large amount of time in.
*collapses on floor* ok, I'm just gonna.......yeah