I would start by trying to turn this whole horrible situation around in your head. Look at some of the other parental horror stories on this site. There are kids on here being subjected by their own parents to the harshest kinds of emotional torture and cruelty. Others are in danger of being completely disowned. Your dad, it seems to me, is just the opposite. He cares too much. I know how that can drive you crazy because my mom was always the same way. She just never could leave something alone. Once I admitted a problem, I was forced to talk about it ad nauseum. It sounds like your dad has the same infuriating tendency. The only reason I ask you to turn it around and look at it for what it is is because it might make it a bit easier for you to deal with the situation emotionally. This is important because emotions are what are tripping you up. You have to stop seeing his attempts to get to the root of your problems as attacks that you need to strike back at. You yourself admit that alot of what he says is correct. Frankly if it wasn't so close to the truth, you wouldn't react so violently and defensively.

There's a funny dichotemy about adolescents. On the one hand, they are mercilessly hard on themselves and tend to be relentlessly introspective. On the other hand, they jealously guard their own misery and get very upset when others come along and try to take it away from them. I pretty much read this in what you're saying here. "It's my misery. You keep your hands off it." The problem with parents, at least decent ones, is that they don't understand this and they don't like to see their children suffer. So they try to navigate the minefield that is their teenager to see how they can help, invariably tripping all kinds explosives in the process.

So the problem is how can you talk to your dad without it turning into a celebrity deathmatch? I think you two need to sit down and have a conversation about conversations. You have to set some rules of engagement that you both abide by. I would sit down and write down the things you want to say beforehand, then set a time for the two of you to talk when you aren't particularly stressed or angry. Do something pleasurable and relaxing first. Don't get upset. If you start to get upset, just stop and count to ten before you say anything. That's an old and cliche rule but it does work. It will stop many of those regretable barbs from slipping out. The other important thing is to listen. Your dad might just have some rules of engagement of his own. Respect them just as you want yours respected. If the conversation begins to degenerate, just say, "I have to walk away now because I'm getting upset. We'll pick this up again later."

It's not going to solve all your problems with your dad. Face it: you're an adolescent; he's a dad. Troubles will occur. But if you can work out a civilized way to talk to one another, it should make life a little bit easier for the both of you.

Anyway, hope this helps a little. Hugs.

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay
characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"
http://www.patnelsonchilds.com
http://www.samersguild.com

You're welcome sweetheart. I'm glad things are better. Just remember, these same things may happen again. When they do, just take a moment to remember your rules of engagement, and don't let the anger and frustration take control. If you can learn how to do this now, your interactions with others throughout your life will go much much smoother.

Big Hugs!!!!!

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay
characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"
http://www.patnelsonchilds.com
http://www.samersguild.com