So, this weekend I went through some pretty heavy stuff with my dad. It started because I mentioned that I didn't want to be seeing the school counselor anymore, and I wanted him behind me in that decision. The conversation progressed to whether or not I should be in therapy, and my current mental state. In the process, I couldn't take the pressure of him not knowing about certain things, so I more or less interjected into the conversation "I'm fucking transgender, okay?" (yes, that's a direct quote.).
While this was not the focus of our conversation, he is okay with it, although he doesn't seem to understand, and I'm not prepared to explain it to him, in that I'm having enough trouble explaining it to myself.
The rest of the conversation did not go well. He said a lot of things tht are true, about the fact that I tend to fight nonexistant battles, and he has many relevant points, but he's the kind of person who tries so hard to be helpful, but just ends up picking at things. He cannot stand back and let me try to be happy, as he professes his superobjective is. He wants me to be happy, but doesn't seem to understand that orating on how much I'm screwing myself up is not going to help. He would say that's not what he's doing, and it's pretty clear that isn't his intent, but dear god, that man cannot leave anything alone. The conversation ended with him upset, because I admittedly took a lot of cheap shots, and me in tears.
Then, this morning, he came in to say that he's behind me and wants me to be happy. And the whole thing popped like a zit and ended with him telling me I'm a drama queen "like your mom, you keep saying you don't want to be like her, and then you do this!" and it degenerated to a bunch of cheap shots and him storming off.
So now I'm stuck. I don't want to discount some of what he's said, because he is right on more than a few counts. But I feel like I have to answer to him. Like I better have everything figured out before I talk to him about everything, because he has to have an answer, and figuring out an answer in conversation isn't an option, because he'll hold me accountable for everything. I really wish I hadn't come out to him, because I'm not sure yet, and I don't want him to worry, and I don't want him to meddle. Sigh.
So yeah. Any thoughts, guys? Much appreciated.