I took them all because I thought they would
help me somehow become a better man.
I took them every single chance I could -
had no idea there was a better plan.
Spent so much money, you will never know,
blacked out so many times - don't know myself.
Somehow I thought that fun was letting go -
of fears which kept me on some un-cool shelf.
For years I lived like this, all high and drunk.
I took so much lost sight of who I was.
Unkempt, a slob, and smelling like a skunk -
I wasn't "scene." A fool is what I was!
I wish I knew the truth in younger shoes -
not all things gay require drugs and booze.