Okay. For those of you who haven't been reading my journal lately, basically I was recently outed by someone who read a journal/sketchbook of mine in which I wrote I'm gay. The first day I came back to school after finding out about this rumor, I didn't hear anybody talking about it anymore, so I thought it had blown over.
I was wrong. The past couple of days, I heard people talking about the rumor. I don't know why I didn't hear anyone talking about it that one day when I came back. That doesn't matter, though.
See, people weren't just saying I was gay, they were telling about how exactly someone found out I'm gay. (When I find out who, I'm going to strangle them.) They told about how someone found my sketchbook (so maybe I didn't lose it after all!), read it, and spread the word about my sexuality. And since people know that somebody didn't just make it up, they believe the rumor. I've been outed.
After a day of hearing people chatting about me and a few of them asking me if I was gay (to which I replied "That's none of your business.") I went to my younger sister, who hadn't wanted me to come out because she goes to the same school as me, and her classmates would make fun of her if they found out her sister is gay. I explained the situation, and immediately after I told her about it, she said that it was okay with her if I came out now, considering the circumstances. I felt nervous and joyful at the same time. I know I didn't need her permission to come out in the first place, but now I feel better about it because she's okay with it.
So, I came out to two and a half people today. What I mean by this is that I came out to my two closest friends, and I sort of came out to a friend/acquaintance who I'm not that close to, but whose opinion I value all the same. The closest I came to coming out to the latter person was asking her, "Would it bug you if that rumor about me being gay was true?" She replied no, it wouldn't. I felt relieved.
When I came out to my other two friends, I got a really weird reaction. They were okay with it, but they don't really want me to talk about it. See, they're not homophobic, but we don't talk to each other about our love lives at all, whether we're straight or gay. My friend C is a straight boy, and my friend H is sort of...asexual. I say this because she's not attracted to anybody. I mean that. Whenever she reads Tamora Pierce, who is one of her favorite authors, she often has to skip over many parts because they contain romance, and she hates romance. It's kind of bizarre. C doesn't speak about his girlfriend, K, with us, either. So I came out to two people who don't particularly care whether I'm gay or not and don't really want to talk about the subject. It's strange.
I plan to come out to more people soon, most of all the not-quite-so-close friend that I half came out to. This coming out thing feels really good. It's nice to be open about my sexuality. :) I've read stories about coming out and how relieved people felt when they finally did it, but I never really understood how it truly felt. Now I do. I know this much is true: I've been missing out on a lot. I may only be out to only two and a half of my friends now, but oh well, it's a start!
I still have one doubt, though: what do I tell my parents? They still kind of think I'm too young to think I'm gay, although they've told me it won't bother them if I really am. I think they probably deserve to know what's going on with me at school, but if I told them I was coming out to people already, they'd probably freak. Should I tell them about this now, or should I wait for a little while? I'd rather do the latter, considering how they'll probably react and all, but I'd still like some advice all the same.
Peace out, y'all! :) I feel like screaming along to James Brown's song, "I Feel Good" now. Coming out is good for the soul!
Heh. James Brown. Soul. I think I just made a funny.
Yes, I know that joke was really bad. Shut up.