“One more minute of this and I’m gonna explode!” I thought as I sat in the counselor office at my prestigious, community college. They weren’t accepting any appointments, and I needed to see a counselor, therefore my only option was to wait endlessly. It had been three hours of worthless waiting. Well, it was sort of worthless; I mean I had the opportunity to think about the lovely encounter by my friend’s pool the previous day.
That’s when I started getting hit hard by the baffling questions from the wee girl in my head. Are you gay? Well, technically you’d be a lesbian if you are even thinking of this girl. Maybe you are gay! Wait, I mean lesbian. I mean, come on! Why the hell haven’t you had a boyfriend in your whole life?
The small voice in my head would only silence itself in between minor flashbacks of Kelly. The demon on my shoulder started making me paint pretty arousing pictures of her…until I realized what was going on with me. “Holy shit!” I shouted in the middle of the counselor’s office. Everyone turned and looked at me like I was nuts, and I highly doubt that this little story is going to prove them wrong.
It was all too clear at that moment. For the first time in my life, my sexuality existed to me. I no longer considered myself “asexual.” What a divine revelation to experience amongst the buzzing of fluorescent lights and old computer towers. I AM human after all!
A guy tapped me on the shoulder. “Are you okay?” he asked with sincerity.
“Umm…yeah, I just…hit my funny bone, that’s all. Sorry to wake you up.” I lied to him and I wasn’t really quick witted about it. I should have said something more like, “I’m crazy and I just realized that I’m a homosexual too. Do you know any good therapists?”
“Oh, I hate it when that happens,” he replied with a half smile.
“Yeah, it sucks,” I said in a way that wasn’t really leading on to any other form of conversation. Normally, I don’t cut people off this way, but I had way too much on my mind. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop him…
“Well, if you ever get better from you deadly accident, would you like to maybe hang out sometime and get some pizza or something?” he was smiling all the way now, but he looked terrified. I knew that he worked up a lot of courage to even ask, so I started to feel a bit sorry for him.
“Well, sure,” I answered, but it sounded more like a question; just like all the thoughts in my head at that time.
“Sweet! Do you have any plans tomorrow night?” he asked eagerly – a little too eagerly.
“Um…well, yeah…I have to…” I broke off my excuse and thought for a second. Shit! What do I say? Why did I say yes when I wanted to say no? Then I continued with my lame excuse, “I have to uh…study for my placement exam. I haven’t finished the matriculation process.” That was really lame, Danielle.
“Oh, well can I get your number so that we can hook up some other time?” he asked with one eyebrow raised. “Hook up some other time?” What’s that supposed to mean?
I made up a false number and then figured that I wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore after that. BOY WAS I WRONG!