NOTE: This is me just spitting out words on internet paper, i don't wanna hear any "constructive criticisms," or otherwise complaints. Doubt many people read my shit anyway.
new organization, pride turns to tiresome, its still all the same. No matter how clean the outside is a dark dirty man still lives inside, no amount of scrubbin cleaning my thoughts tonight. I don't understand it or anything else for that matter, it hurts to be in, hurts to be out, my friend says just be, just be baby, just be, which is so easy to say when hes on top of it all, all he needs to do, especially his girl. still haven't sent mom her present, still got to get my life in line, the deadline is coming so much faster than it has ever come before, and the pillow in my bed, it feels so old, like i been lyin in it for years, like i came out the wombwith it, i dunno, i just ogtta go, just gotta be somewhere far away, over in the mountains shine, the moon kissing light, and all theat sentimental jazz that suckers pay billions for, stupid america. i wanna be home, but home aint back in the homeland, and it sure aint here in my heart. so where is ist? what happened. my life is too dark too yin, so says the oracle, i need more excitement,more somethin, which excites me to thinnk, and i daydream, ant the elssson is lost. nno use on these leteters anyaway,s my bed still smells of kathleens spit and sandra;s vagina, drunken love, is there any other kind? regret is a harsh mistresss, but hes the only one putting out tonight. I feel like letting go, like, getting up tomoorrow, walking out the window, seeing where i fly, and wondering if i;ll ever stop, i aint nerver touching the ground. music feels good wasting my eardrums, guitar strums, caress my wounds, and godammit, i still love you pat, never stopped, but life is ironic, god is a fucking clown, and i was you with rob. Where are you? what are you doing now with out me since i cut you out? Are you sad? happy, depresssed, fcuking finally, makin love, talking trash gettin trashed, baked and drunk to the point wher you sleep with caramel and HPV? Are u scared, sitting in your romm, thinking how old your pillow is? Do you remember when i held you on the train, fleeting lips in the rain? I know how if eeel, unfulfilled and starving. why does adulthood fly in so fast? Just yesterday iw as dreamin, out in the desert with the sand blowing into my clattering teeth, and this ghost was years away from coming in. what happened to roseanne and Michael fishman? How come it hurts so bad to learn he;s married? How can i love someone else when i don't even love me. why did i write htat? How come i feel so black and white. What happened ot the old me excited about life and all it had to offer. what hte hell is all this lethargy doing on my chest and head? Is this the lowet of the lows, will it get better. will it matter? sorry. sorry for apologizing, you don't derserve it after all you did, i don';t all you a thing,. I don't owe anyone anythning. and its out, all of it,got the nasty gobling in my veins out. now i can sleep, cz i dun blew my load of depression, and confusion. it washes ober, and that is all i will rirth right tonight.
NOTE again, this is just free stylin, more theraputic than anything. Im keeping it cuz something may start anouther poem, you never now. Spellin and grammar are irrelevent in a free write, so don't be liittle bitchionarys on me. Save your energy.