Ever since I realized I was transgender, I have been trying to recount all of my old memories that may be linked to why I am who I am. When I was in elementary school, I would always hang out with my friends, like playing football, and doing normal things that a boy would do. I also remember hanging out with the girls sometimes, usually after I got teased by the other guys. I was quite an emotional kid, so whenever I got hurt at all, I couldn't help but cry. None of the other guys did this, so they never wasted the chance to pick on me for it. When I went to play with the girls, they would always let me play. None of them laughed at me when I cried, they always comforted me. I even learned how to play their games, and never rejected the request to join them. Maybe that's why I find female oriented things to be comforting to me.

When I got into the 6th grade, my parents thought it would be wise to stick me into a private school, because they "knew" I was such a smart kid. Well, as it turns out, I nearly flunked in that school, but it was so small, that my entire 6th grade population consisted of only about 16 or less students. I made great friends with them, even though I was a bit rude sometimes, and even mean. (This was because they all knew what sarcasm was, and I didn't, so I always lashed out when they teased me). This was also the first time I personally made friends with any girls. That was easy in this class, because there were only 3 or 4 of them. There was one girl in 7th grade that I reallllly like, and we still talk today. But again, whenever I got teased by the other guys, I found that hanging out with the girls was comforting, and very familiar.

Well, because private school didn't go so well, I got shoved back into public school, and my 8th year flew by. I can hardly remember a thing about it. Then, again, my parents wanted me to get a better education. So I got transferred to a school far away from my city and friends, and I had a terrible 9th year, except for the 3 girls in my carpool. They were all from where I lived, and I couldn't drive yet, so I rode with them to school and back. We talked about so many things, and I learned so much from them. It was sad when I decided to tell my parents that I wanted to go back to public school. Those girls really helped me out.

This was also the year I found out I was transgender. What I have left out until now is that since elementary school, I crossdressed in my mom's clothing. At first, it was just the bra, then the underwear, and after that, I couldn't help but try on dresses and makeup. It probably sounds silly, but don't think that any of it was for sexual purpose. I felt comfortable in the clothing, and I also desperately wanted (and still want) to be and look female. I don't know why, but one night, I felt so guilty about the secret I was hiding, that I had to tell my parents. Somehow, I don't know how I did it, but I gathered the courage to tell my parents that I was transgender. (I haven't ever even asked somebody on a date before, how did I do this?). I cried instantly after, and I dove right into my mom's arms and hugged her tight. My parents didn't say anything for a while. Then they said that they were glad I told them, they loved me, and that they would talk to me about it later in private (because it was really late, and we didn't want my siblings to find out either).

They got me to a therapist afterward to help me release my feelings, but I have yet to see a specialist to help me figure out how to transition.

Even though this was a long story, believe it or not, but this was the short version. I'm on this site in private, and my family will be arriving shortly. I will edit in more details later. Thanks for reading, and really, this is just a log I am keeping of my memories so I don't forget. You are all free to read it, and questions and comments are ok as well.