*Disclosure* Yeah ok so this post is really boring and filled with emotions and junk so i recommend you don't read it.

don't say I didn't warn you.

It's still not too late to turn back...

oh push off! read something else!

Yeah well this evening has not been a fun one for me. I just cried for about an hour straight about something that would never have made me cry in the past. A kitten going to the pound. I dunno what is up with me lately, i've been really dark and twisty as the saying goes, and tonight I guess it all just came out. So i suppose I should start at the beginning. Well on the surface level this is about my parents not letting me have this kitten that they guy I like found in the snow the other day. His mother won't let him care for it, and so for some reason I felt this great need to care for it. But once I got to thinking, this issue runs deeper than that. In the end, it's all about the fact that no one in my life needs me. True some people love me, care about me, but no one actually needs me. They certainly need things of me, which being the generous person I am I usually give to them without a fight. I guess the reason why I wanted the kitten so badly was because it wouldn't leave me. It would need me. And in the end, that is what I need, someone to need me not for any purpose (i.e. helping them with homework, giving them a ride somewhere, loaning them money). The thing is no one's life is tied to mine. No one would be in a crisis if I weren't here, and I guess that just got me to thinking about all the things in the world that I want to help with, but can't. In the end, I may never be really needed in this world, and there really isn't anything I can do about that. So please if you did read this, don't comment something sappy or inspirational. I really don't need any advice or help. All I can really do is try and live life, and deal with these things as I can. On my own!