And you got swept up in the spirit of the movie as well, because you ended up getting married yourself.
I know. It was sort of a wonderful, spontaneous, yet somewhat thought out thing where my partner, Juan King, and I... He forgets that I sort of had been sort of asking him for years to marry me, but not seriously, because you can't get married in this country, at least not in California. So, he'd kind of just laugh about it and say, 'OK, honey, sure.' But then he surprised me by, once I was going to Canada, he started putting the wheels in motion so that we could get married. From Los Angeles, he orchestrated all the paperwork and finding the justice of the peace. In fact, the woman who is standing under the gazebo at the end of the movie is really a justice of the peace from Halifax who married us, so I put her in the movie as the justice of the peace. There were no lines, we just needed someone who would stand there officiating their marriage. So, he came up, and we had a very simple but lovely ceremony right on the same pier where we shot the movie, in the back of the mansion. And John and the rest of the cast came to our reception at a gay bar called Menz Bar, some local quasi-leather bar. (laughs) It was fun. It was actually really sweet and really fun. And it changes you. Being married completely changes you. It's interesting, because we really have this commitment now. In this country, it's just a piece of paper that doesn't matter, but emotionally it takes you someplace else, which is really kind of wonderful.
What were your thoughts on gay marriage before that? Were you just indifferent, or...
I was kind of indifferent in a sense that, not since I met Juan, but I'll be 44 in a few weeks, so I came to New York City in 1981, at 18, and marriage was like the furthest issue. It didn't enter my mind. No one was adopting kids at that point, so it was that whole older-school head of being out and, umm, let's say active, was sort of the political statement of the day and it was what being gay was kind of about. I think it all came down: I never met anybody I wanted to marry, so I never even thought about it. Because there wasn't anybody I wanted to marry if I could. It just was not even an issue. But then I got a little older, and realized we really are being denied so many rights, and that political side, plus the emotional side of meeting someone you actually want to be with, suddenly the issue was like, 'Yeah. Oh, we are being fucked over by the government. I do want to get married. I would love to have all those rights.'
I keep going back and forth because, to me, it's like politically I'm on board, but on a personal note it always seems more like you keep staying with that person because that's what you want, not because there's this huge overhead and we signed onto his thing. It just seems like if you're staying together daily of your own volition and not because of this huge societal contract, is that more pure? I keep going back and forth.
I totally agree. That's been my argument, too. And it still is. It's just when it comes down to the fact that if we wanted to be married, we can't, so we're being denied these rights that straight Americans, who pay the same amount of taxes, then it becomes ridiculous. And now that I'm with someone I did marry and do want to be with, it's very sad that we can't participate. It just changes you when you're with someone that you do want to settle down with.
You mentioned that marriage and adoption weren't on your list growing up, and now you're married. Is adoption next on your to-do list?
You know, I love kids. But I love them because I know they're going to go away in an hour or two. (laughs) It does not enter my mind ever to have a child. It just doesn't.
And Juan's on the same page there?
We're on the same page. It doesn't even enter our mind. Maybe if I had a more regular job, I don't know. Nah, I think that's bullshit. Neither of us is interested in adopting a kid. We enjoy each other and one child in the family is enough, and that's me.