I feel so... exposed. My brothers girlfriend spent the night the night before last and we stayed up talking for hours/cleaning my room after my brother went to bed and she told me that she had always known I was gay. From the first time we met, which was when I didn't even realize I am. She was all "Yeah when I met you my gaydar went crazy." I was so confused and I still am. Today I asked my brother and he was like "Well that happens with me too" As in when he's around me he can tell. I don't understand. I feel naked. Can everyone with a gaydar tell about me now? Can my mum? I mean I don't consiously act attracted to anyone. For years I wasn't intrested at all. Up untill my sophmore year. GAH I wish this wasn't so confusing. I hate not understanding things.
Like math which I am trying to do right now. My first rave this weekend and I'm soooo excited. (Together as one, up in L.A.) but it turns out if I don't get three weeks worth of school done my mum won't let me go. We (my brother, his girlfriend, and I) all ready have the tickets and everything. I have to go!! But I have so much school. It isn't fair. My boss's kids homeschool through the same chater school as I do and they got a christmas break. I didn't according to my mum I should have been doing sachool everyday except christmas.
-Sigh- I'll be devistated if I can't go. I try really hard not to get my hopes up about things and I thought I was safe about this one but no.
Its so weird, at the beggining of this year I was a quiet little goth kid who prolly would have peed my pants if anyone suggested going to a ra ve wearing neon and glitter, but now I can't wait. Its really weird when I sti back and look at how much I've changed.
Well back to school, I'll surly be up all night tongiht. I have to get up at five to wake my mum anyway then have everythiong taken care of before 8:20 so I can catch the bus. I'll be at work about two hours early but its better I guess its better than not being there at all. I hope I can get the 13th and 14th off >_<. Another rave!
Oh and post script: I'm in it for the music Not the drugs.