Its been a while
I feel so... exposed. My brothers girlfriend spent the night the night before last and we stayed up talking for hours/cleaning my room after my brother went to bed and she told me that she had always known I was gay. From the first time we met, which was when I didn't even realize I am. She was all "Yeah when I met you my gaydar went crazy." I was so confused and I still am. Today I asked my brother and he was like "Well that happens with me too" As in when he's around me he can tell. I don't understand. I feel naked. Can everyone with a gaydar tell about me now? Can my mum? I mean I don't consiously act attracted to anyone. For years I wasn't intrested at all. Up untill my sophmore year. GAH I wish this wasn't so confusing. I hate not understanding things.
Like math which I am trying to do right now. My first rave this weekend and I'm soooo excited. (Together as one, up in L.A.) but it turns out if I don't get three weeks worth of school done my mum won't let me go. We (my brother, his girlfriend, and I) all ready have the tickets and everything. I have to go!! But I have so much school. It isn't fair. My boss's kids homeschool through the same chater school as I do and they got a christmas break. I didn't according to my mum I should have been doing sachool everyday except christmas.
-Sigh- I'll be devistated if I can't go. I try really hard not to get my hopes up about things and I thought I was safe about this one but no.
Its so weird, at the beggining of this year I was a quiet little goth kid who prolly would have peed my pants if anyone suggested going to a ra ve wearing neon and glitter, but now I can't wait. Its really weird when I sti back and look at how much I've changed.
Well back to school, I'll surly be up all night tongiht. I have to get up at five to wake my mum anyway then have everythiong taken care of before 8:20 so I can catch the bus. I'll be at work about two hours early but its better I guess its better than not being there at all. I hope I can get the 13th and 14th off >_<. Another rave!
Oh and post script: I'm in it for the music Not the drugs.
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P.L.U.R.
hehe.....Raves are SOO much fun!! I just started going to them at the beginning of last summer, so I'm a newbie to them too. They are so great though! The people I have met at raves are some of the most awesome people I have ever met! I'm excited for you!!
"Peace, Love, Unity, Respect"
^How can you not love something that has that as it's guide
*Just watch out for horny guys
Penguin, that is NOT gaydar.
Penguin, that is NOT gaydar. That is knowing someone very well, possibly even better than that person knows herself. Gaydar is how you know that a person standing across a crowded room from you that you've never ever met before is gay without really knowing how you know. It's like a queer version of spider sense. BUT, if straight people are now claiming to have gayar, I suppose one could see that as a positive indicator of social change because, in order to be able to sense that someone is gay, that means you do NOT necessarily assume that everyone in the world is heterosexual except for a few freaks out in San Francisco. Yes, I have to admit, when I first read your post, I found the idea of heterogaydar a bit frightening, but now the more I think about it, the more convinced I am that it's an inevitable indicator of social progress.
What do you guys think?
Oh, I wouldn't worry about the whole exposure thing, hon. People like to talk smack about how they knew shite after the fact, when in reality they didn't have clue one. I suspect there's a bit of smack talk involved here. Just humor them. They'll feel all wise and no harm done to you.
- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay
characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"
www.myspace.com/patnelsonchilds