Argh. Family Is Frustrating

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Okay, this just bothers me:

I was talking to my mom about the way my grandparents insist on being homophobic around me. Now, mom and dad are accepting to the best of their ability, but my maternal grandparents in particular are not, to say the least. My mother said something along these lines: "You're very lucky, you have two supportive parents.", as though this compensates for the blatant homophobia of my grandparents. EXCUSE ME!!!! I AM NOT 'LUCKY' MY PARENTS ACCEPT ME. 'LUCKY' IS WHEN MOMMY AND DADDY DON'T GET MAD AT YOU FOR FAILING A TEST. IT IS NOT WHEN THEY DECIDE THAT, BECAUSE OF WHO YOU LOVE, THEY WILL STILL LOVE YOU. There is something wrong with our world when it's considered lucky to still be on good terms with your parents just because of who you love/screw. If parents cannot love their children for something like that, it is failing on the part of the parents, not 'bad luck'. No child should be deprived the love of a parent. Or a family.

There is something wrong when a kid sits at a table wanting to cry because their parent will not allow them to be offended at a homophobic joke. There is something wrong when a grandfather cannot see how much he hurts his granddaughter. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WHEN A TEENAGER IS AFRAID TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS TO THEM AT SCHOOL, BECAUSE THEY THINK THEY'LL BE ACCUSED OF 'SHOVING IT IN PEOPLE'S FACES'. There is something wrong with a mother who protects the ignorance of her parents over the psychological well-being of her children. There is something wrong when you spend every family dinner close to tears and afraid to talk at all. THERE IS SOMETHING THE FUCK WRONG WITH OUR WORLD.

Wow, that turned out much longer than intended. I'll be quiet now.

All true, but most parents don't put their children in institutions for being gay anymore, so we are making slow yet inexorable progress. Small comfort, I know, but there it is.

Hang in there. Try to find some comfort in the fact that you are right and they are wrong. Sometimes righteous anger is all we have to keep us going, but it's a hell of a good thing to have.

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay
characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

www.myspace.com/patnelsonchilds

Small comfort indeed, but at least it's there.

Thanks dude. Believe me, I got righteous anger to spare.

Do I shock you darling?
-Sally Bowles, Cabaret

Its sad that youre right. The world shouldnt be like this. Don't ever be quiet be loud and use your voice. Make a difference so someone else doesnt have to deal with what you are dealing with. Easy to say but hard to do :-)

Just a little thought about the small comfort. I mean yes yeah no more institutions but we still have the many camps and groups parents make their kids go to for degayification.

Yeah the world is good and fucked up. But you are still lucky that youdo have accepting parents. Everyone should have them, but the majority definatly do not. And most grandparents will be like that

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"

Hey, I totally find myself in that!!! My situation with my parents and grandparents is really similar. And I have also gotton so mad when people suggest I be grateful and consider myself lucky for the most normal things on earth (or what should be).

But with my parents and grandparents... well actually I find that I have had to make quite an effort to make my mother in the reasonably homo-acceping person who she is now. (and it was not easy for me.) But then my grandparents... I am not sure if I am out to them, it's a bit of an ambiguous situation, but in any case we usually avoid the topic. But then once I had written a paper for college on a queer topic, and - since college IS a topic which my grandparents and I talk about, my grandfather asked me what my paper was about. I seriously underrated the queer content of it, but still, somehow my paper relied on the fact that queer people are marginalized in this society. And I told him that. He almost exploded, screaming how much that was not true, that it is now so hip and trendy to be gay. To prove this, he mentioned two famous gay men.. Great, no? And he went on saying that HE, my poor grandfather, already is made to feel ashamed for being heterosexual. and he talked about "the perverts"... He had some kind of conspiracy theory, that gay people have conspired to take over the world and oppress straight people. It was terrible. Both my parents were in the same room and they did not say anything.
Later when I was alone with my mother, the topic of this incidence with my grandfather came up again. (To her credit, I must say that she started talking about it.) And I cautiously suggested that I would not mind if in such a situation she'd join in the argument and help me. Her response? She sighed.
Tomorrow I"ll go to visit those grandparents again. Merry Christmas!

Well, reading your post was really good for me. thanks for sharing. I wish that maybe reading that I have a similar situation (and similar feelings about it) is also good for you.

Wish you good luck.

We have all been injured, profoundly. (Donna Haraway)
I Am Out, Therefore I Am. (Okay, mostly.)

Shit like that is INFURIATING!!!!!!!!!! But look on the bright side. 4 more years, and you can disown them, huh? Or might you be able to put your nostrils down sooner?! Like assert yourself in another year or two and say, "NO MORE!!!!!!!!" I had the freedom to make my own choices of who to associate with at a young age. (It helped that my parents lived 2500 miles apart.)

Makes me wanna go to somebody, "You're straight? How disgusting. Get awayyyyyy from me!!!!!!!!!!!!" (One day I just might do that to someone.)

I'm working on getting out as soon as possible. Right now that means spending more time on Dad's side, in that he tends to leave me alone.

I really, really, really hate being a kid. You can't do shit. And if you figure that out, you're still fucked, because you can't do anything about it. Argh.

Heh-heh-heh. I did that once, in a conversation. The person I was talking to didn't get it, they just went "wait...what?". Oh well.
Do I shock you darling?
-Sally Bowles, Cabaret

Being a kid is a bitch. Being a kid with brains is unbearable. I was lucky enough to be of latchkey status, so I got to run my own life. I stayed out of conventional trouble for the most part.

Unconventional trouble, was another matter.

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22 December, 2006 - 4:56am — patnelsonchilds (not verified)