hey people
i used to post hear a lot when i had destructive habits and tons of shit going on and i was really pissed and depressed all the time . Well my dad died i n june and i have changed a lot. i lost lik 30 - 20 pounds in like a month i barly eat but i was nt as depressed , i think i have almoust become numb . I feel pain when i shouldnt and dont when i should . I have a a litlle bit of semi intense anxiety but over random things . I ll get all worked up about stuff that deosnt matter and not over thing s i should . But i more on the same boderline depressed mood most of the time just stayin there its weird . It may seem while reading this that i just am 5050 happy unhappy . But its more like i subconcinsly bottle up my emotions and freak and feel the pain but then go back to the chill calm mood it s very strange . I am definetly not a happy person im not mean just numb i guess i donn know ?
IF i got screended they d probly want to put me on drugs but it fuck me up and i dont need that. I m not upset about my sitution most of my friends probbly dont pick up on this side of me for when im with them ...i kinda try to put on a air of happiness so not to seem antisociel or mean or stuff. But at the end of the day looking back its not me at all its all fake . Im not upset i just dont care . I m not trying to say that i dont care about my famly and friends i guess i just dont care bout my life , its not that bad just when shit happens to me it all happens at once so i think it s my bodys coping mechinism, i dont know what the point of this was i guess it helped me look at my life