something i wrote after reading excerpts from "dealing" with grief books....anyone who's ever lost a loved one probably feels somewhat like this every once in a while...

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people are just fucking stupid. don't try and tell me what's going on in my head, you've never been there.

Dealing with your Grief: The Loss of a Loved one and How You Feel.

You know what?

FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU PEOPLE.

you have no CLUE what goes on in our heads in those moments, so don't try and tell us it's okay. experience it. experience the soul-shattering feeling of loss, and then come back to me about it, kay?

I don't care how many books you've read or how many seminars you've taught or how many FUCKING tissues you've used.

You. Don't. Have. A. Fucking. Clue.

Grief is not something you study.

Pain is not part of the psychology curriculum.

Pain is life.

and to all you assholes out there who say you've felt pain.

FUCK YOU.

take a walk in my shoes. better yet, take a walk in my father's shoes. wake up every morning to an empty bed. no "i love you's" in the morning. live with that, you selfish bastards. live with the fact that you'll never see your mother smile at you, tell you that they love you. deal with the fucking fact you'll never get a hug from them, tell them you love them, hold their hand, hear them sing silly songs to wake you up. watch your mother waste away before your very eyes. and then watch her die. i want you to have to go to your mother's grave every month and put flowers in the vase. i want you to talk to the second best thing without being able to have the original.

i want you to feel like someone scooped out your heart with a spiked shovel.

i want you to have to tell your sister that mom's gone to heaven and then hold her close while she sobs her heart out.

i want you to hear the "i'm sorry's" over and over.

i want you to wake up every morning, knowing she won't be there.

so don't tell me you know what i'm going through.

don't give me the five...four...whatever the hell phases of grief.

there's no such, fucking, thing.

there's pain. there will always be pain. there's acceptance and pain. that's it.

there's never closure, there's never relief. there is only pain.

it's always there and if you tell me i should be over it by now, or if i will get over someday, i WILL shoot you in your goddamn head.

don't you fucking dare try to tell me, or anyone else that everything will be okay eventually.

to all those who know what i mean, and to all those who've ever experienced these things....

(sorry for the excessive language)
M. Rebekkah Lipscomb
11.26.06