Yup. I just feel like whining about my current single-ness. Again. I haven't seen her today. she has the flu. It's not like I haven't seen her enough lately though. I spent the whole weekend at her place, minus the 4 hours spent at work Saturday night.
There were times I could have sworn she wanted to kiss me. I'm starting to think it's just my imagination though, it never happens. And I'm too much of a pussy to kiss her. Or even tell her that I have such strong feelings for her. God she's beautiful though. And damn her boyfriend. Just because he's allowed to love her. He's never around anyway, I've never even met the guy. Sure, he's gotta run from the cops, or some other gang, or whatever the fuck he's hiding from. That's no exucuse, I'd visit my girlfriend every day, as long as she wanted me there.
I'm jsut a jealous loaf. I know he's a great guy. she talks about him like he's some saint. In a less religious way...
i need to move on. I've tried a thousand times. I've gotten into situations like this before, but I've never loved someone as much as I love her. And the other girls I've liked in the past, well, I didn't see them almost every day. I didn't hug them, nor horse around with them the way I do with her. They didn';t confuse the hell out of me the way she does.
I think it was either Thursday or Friday night, but we were on the computer playing Life or somehting and I took her turn accidently. she pretended to make a big deal with it and started attacking me, and somehow my sweater ended up up-side-down over my head, so my face was covered. Then she kissed my face through the sweater a few times. She kissed my cheek later on that night too. Or was it the night after...? anyway. That's something she like, never does. She's kissed me through a halloween mask before. Pretended to make out with me through it...
I keep trying to evaluate her behavior phychologically. I keep trying to figure out why she would only do that when one of our faces can't be seen. I know, as everyone does, how masks give us more confidence, since there is something blocking others from seeing who you are. You have less shame; you can become someone new, or bring out qualities in yourself no one's ever witnessed. Maybe she found it easier to kiss me when I couldn't see her face.
Or maybe I'm thinking too much. Maybe I'm just getting my hopes up. I hate having a crush. I hate being in love. Sometimes I really wonder why I was meant to meet her. I fell in love with her, and I don't think I'll ever be with her. It's like she was given to me just to torment me.