I've been way too joyful lately, and I'm overdue for a mopey spell. As fate has it, a few things happened to bring on misfortunes to bring me down.
1.) "I see the storm in the horizon. Is it coming towards me?"
If you recall (or perhaps not), I told a boy in my Chem class that I like Allyson. I thought he'd be fine with it based off of his personality and things he's said in the past, but now he keeps coming up behind me in the hall saying, "You have to be kidding. Who do you really like?"
I'd respond with a smile and say,"Believe what you want, but I told you my answer."
He'd stare at me with disbelief and respond, "Dude, that's scary."
He does this just about everyday. I desperately want to come out to the school to relieve myself of this burning secret, but I don't know if this boy would out me before I could decide. There's the looming fear of the school finding out and making assumptions, and everything could slip out of my hands like fine grains of sand.
2.) Denied to volunteer
I went to go ring the bell to take donations for the Salvation Army through the National Honor Society. When I got there, they told me that our sponsor told everyone that I wasn't coming. I did not! I told her I couldn't go Friday, but COULD go Wednesday (today)! Luckily, one girl was nice enough to give me her spot while she went to spend time with her friends. I was supposed to stay two hours, but people had taken my place because of my sponsor's mistake.
What really drives me insane is that she's for gay rights and is against our school's prejudices, but she's unwilling to take the risk....at all. She spoke to me like she really wants to make a difference, but she only discusses this subject with me and the "gay crowd" at school. She says she likes girls, but because of our school she doesn't want to get too attached to any girls or develop any lesbian crushes. It angers me that the school pushes people into a preferred role.
Today, she called out my name smiling. I turned around to see her holding her hand out with her crush's (a boy's) number written on her palm. That really hurt.
One thing I noticed since she started talking to her crush is she doesn't seem so friendly towards me anymore. Only when she's talking about her crush, but when she's finished speaking about him she simply walks away. She drastically changed in one mere week.
4.) ACT score
I got my ACT score today. I was happy because I got a 23, but then my college brother (he's here visiting) laughed and said he got a 29. I try really hard, but I don't do well on the ACT. I'm a straight A student, but that isn't enough for colleges. When I'm happy about an accomplishment, my brother has to push me down. He apologized, but I still feel stupid. I'm just not as smart as he is. I never will be. In reality, I'm tremendously clueless and stupid, but because I work so hard in school I get good grades. Sadly, I fear it won't be enough to get me into a good college.
Just two more weeks until I hear my rejection from Truman University...