....he took her to a movie
when they cut off the phone,
he took her to a movie
and when her cover's blown,
he took her to a movie
but so did I...."

I've been thinking about what I'm going to do in the future alot lately. There are so many options and too many indecisions....its hard to get started on pursuing anything since I'm not sure what it is that I'd be pursuing yet. I've been realizing though, that when I move away from my home and my family I am probably going to be a completely different person. They don't make me be the way I am, but there is definitely pressure from them on what not to be. I really don't like confrontation so I usually just do what my family wants or make them think I am so they don't bother me. They still find other things I need to work on though, but they're just trying to help....I keep getting signals from them that everything that I do naturally or want to do isn't right. I can't even be angry or upset with them because they're all so nice and only trying to help me and do what they think is best for me.

I feel too confined around my family right now. I want to be free to grow and become me, not their version of me. I feel sorry for my mom sometimes because I think she might have gotten trapped by the family into being what they wanted (she doesn't talk much about her past so its hard to know)....I don't want that to happen to me. None of this is their fault and I'm not angry with them. They think they are leading me on the right track and making sure I grow up to have a wonderful life, but they're not as open-minded as they think they are....and whats sad is they are much more open-minded than society in general.

I've been analyzing my life lately. I always do that when I need to make "whats next?" decisions.