A couple of days ago someone posted a poem that I thought was great on this site. I copied it, cause they said I could. They also said that it was not their creation, and that they couldn't remember whose it was, that they got it off another site.

I edited it to what I think is a much better version. I would appreciate comments on the changes, I will add the original so you can compare. Keep in mind that if you don't like my version that we may be speaking in a different flow, which would cause the poem to sound different.

Here's the original:

Have you ever loved someone
But knew they didn't care?
Have you ever felt like crying
But knew you'd get nowhere?
Have you ever looked into their eyes
And said a little prayer?
Have you looked into their hearts
And wished that you were there?
Have you ever felt their heartbeat
When the lights were turned down low?
Have you ever whispered 'I love you'
But you'll never let them know?
Love is grand, yet it hurts so much
The price you pay is high
If I could choose twixt love and death
I'd rather choose to die
So do not fall in love, my friend
It doesn't pay a dime
It only causes broken hearts
Yet it happens all the time
So do not fall in love, my friend
You'll hurt before it's through
I really ought to know, my friend-
I fell in love with you.

Here's mine:

Have you ever loved someone
But never saw them care?
Have you ever felt like crying
But knew it’d take you nowhere?
Have you ever looked into their eyes
And knew that you weren’t there?
Have you gazed into their hearts
And felt your absence everywhere?
Have you ever gotten close enough
But ran away because you’re scared?
Have you ever whispered 'I love you'
But found such confusion in their stare?

…

Love is grand, it hurts so much
And there’s always a price to pay

Now if I could choose twixt love and death
I'd rather lose and die

So do not fall in love, my friend
It’s not a fun pastime
It only causes broken hearts
Yet still happens all the time

So do not fall in love, my friend
You'll hurt before it's through
I really ought to know, my friend
I fell in love with you.

I look forward to hearing from ya'll.

Laterz.