Hello! That sounded like a happy greeting but really I'm feeling more in between shit and okay. Nothing bad happened in particular, just in that sorta mood you know? Usually venting out stuf makes me feel better so.. what better place to turn to than here. Sorry if there are more f bombs than usual.
I finally got dragged into the myspace revolution, I didn't put an answer for my orientation coz I'm not out to everyone but when people don't put straight you usually assume otherwise so at least I'm not lying completely, plus I don't like being labeled lesbian coz I personally don't like the word. And if someone asks me I'm probably going to tell em straight out.. or not so straight.. you get what I mean. Arr I'm just fucking sick of being a closet case. No one in my life truly understands and it annoys the shit out of me when they bitch about their lives because it's my turn to bitch about mine. Sounds selfish but I don't want to be the one expected to always be cheery and just because I'm thinking about something for just a moment and I'm not listening to your wonderful boy issues. Don't you hate when people think you're pissed off at them just because you're feeling down and don't feel like hiding that fact and you just need time to just be in a 'fuck off please just leave me alone' mood! The world doesn't revolve around you and I am not happy 24 hours a day just because I pretend I am.
Okay I feel a bit better now. Well this definetely is going under 'rant' rather than 'journal'.
So potential dyke in my class hardly turns up anymore but I guess neither do I so don't see her much. I think I'm putting more effort into my mate's education than my own, almost did an all nighter with her just to help her finish her assignment. Yeah I liked helping her but she's my really good friend and I'd do stuf like that for her no worries but if she rejects me when I eventually come out to her, she can seriously get fucked. I don't believe asking for respect and acceptance for being myself is asking much, really. I don't want to end up being the loyal friend getting fucked over for something stupid. Oh man I don't even know what I'm typing anymore, my fingers are just freestyling my thoughts onto the screen.
Got a wedding to attend to and I'm gonna wear this awesome shirt (it's hard to explain, but trust me it's cool) with a skinny black tie. I was hesitant in suggesting what I had planned on wearing to my sister. To my surprise she totally agreed and said that would be totally cool and even admitted being jealous that I had my own style while she would just have to be like everyone else and wear a dress. That made me feel confident and yeah fuck that, what I wear is important to me because I guess I express myself through my clothes (I know how cliche) but I think I do. I don't fit into the whole girly thing and I never will, so what's the point in trying if I'm just gonna feel like a tosser anyway. Oh yeah and I am going to wear pants (not expressing myself that much!) and some black chucks IF I can get away with it.
Oh I saw my old crush on myspace, god she is still gorgeous. Funny, sweet, caring and an absolute champ. Almost brings back the feelings when I think about old memories with her and how she used to sit with me on the footpath at the bus stop and wait until my bus came after school everyday. I told her I loved her when I was wasted one time but I don't think she thought much of it.. thank god. Oh yeah one more, no two small things. Straight. Homophobic. That's the end of that lovely story.
Would love to add oasis people to myspace but it will be suss and I'll be interegated if there are too many sexy american homos on my friends list. Goodnite I have pins and needles.