Wow... Two and a half weeks ago if you asked what I wanted to do I'd probably say I wanted to be with one specific person, the friend I made near the end of last summer.
It's been a month since I've done anything with him and now I can't help but feel disconnected from him.
If you ask me what I wanted to do three days ago I would probably say something like " I want to get over the fact that I can't find all the answers."
In remote regions of my brain is the only place anyone will find a connection between what I said and the guy I'm crushing on. There really isn't one, yet I can't help but wonder now...why is he not so important anymore?
I think it's rather silly to say that. I mean, whenever you don't do something with someone for so long they eventually just fade away, become less important. It's only natural. You have to work at relatioships and we haven't been. Yet I still wonder why.
Lately I've had this huge confrontation with myself. Outwardly I've been showing lots of signs of a bitter inside. It all boils down to knowledge I've come to find, even if it's untruthful.
I'm really starting to think that it is pointless to look for true answers. I've been doing that for God nows how long and look at where its gotten me? Around the corner with fifty different turns that I've peeked around only to find more turns. Questions lead to questionable answers, so it seems anyways. That bothers me.
I think I'm starting to get over it but I can't help but be angry that I will never just know what to do. I feel lost without someone, yet I feel content without anyone, or someone. I can for only so long though.
My entries are kinda lengthy, I'll cut some slack and write more important stuff later.