I've wondered on several occasions in the past couple of years of my life how much easier, or just plain not easy my life would be if I came out of the closet.
I have two counselors and one of them doesn't count anymore because she no longer provides her services. The one I still have contact with has always remained adamant about this subject, and how it involves me. Then again I wonder if his reasoning for this is backed by something potentially illogical?
My counselor thinks that I might not be gay. He's said it over and over and by no means does he make it some kind of stringency in what he speaks of but more like a potential in my future. He says that right now I might simply be "more male oriented." My counselor means no harm and by no means is he the true subject of this entry so let us not focus on him.
What I'm trying to say is that there are other reasons for me not being out yet. I don't necessarily believe that I'm simply "more male oriented," at this time but I do believe that my life would definitely become complicated if I did come out.
I simply, at this time, see more negatives in my coming out than positives. It doesn't help that I am in a small town either.
Some of you here are probably concerned about coming out when you have so many resources at hand. Associations at school, communities with parents and programs they've created for young gays and they've even got names for them all! I'm so alone with this "gay" that this town hasn't even come to grips with an understanding as to why there would even need to be such things. I am alone. So I hope some of you understand that you have the potential, we've all got to step up sooner or later though. For some of you that will be easier.
Not for me however.
I've only rejoined this site last week and I've already seen so many people struggling with just the notion of coming out, to their friend or to their parents and I wonder why its not something of a more common nature here.
This is a site for gays and even trans gendered and yet it seems that in every entry I've read we talk as if we are alone or our troubles are so complex they can not be bordered by anyone else's troubles.
Now isn't that silly dilly???
So maybe this entry isn't all about my coming out. Maybe its more about how I wonder why were all asking the same thing, just in different situations here?
Why does it appear that no one reaches out to the many people searching for the right in their life of a different sexuality?
I've read responses to entries regarding the subject of coming out and am surprised at the level of utter disregard that appears in the voices of the responders. It's like its just another thing. It is, but it doesn't usually feel like that.
The point of this site, in my opinion is to help, yet it seems that because it was created specifically for this one topic, all the help that can be given is not as strong or present as it could be, because everyone here seems to be with some variation of the same problem.
So I was just wondering, my problems set aside... can any one tell me why you fear coming out? What is there to lose in a world fifty times more acceptive today than thirty years ago?
I know there will be some very understandable answers, but I also wonder if anyone has ever taken time to think about the question.