I feel so on the border of happiness and sad right now, I was listening to this:
well, watching, and how the FUCK do you add a link thingy here? Is it < ul > on both sides, or can you do < U > enclosing the link, then name the link somehow or WHAT?
There's a girl I've become way closer friends with now that I know would be completely understanding of me being gay, and she's kind of let in all these little chances for me to SAY something gay, and I want to tell her, but during the day I'm all protective of it I guess. I need to figure out some way to tell her or just a friend @ school ALONE in school, since seeing them outside of school and telling them would probably be awkward, even if they took it well, I'd rather spend hours with them AFTER they knew I was gay.
I think my mom just wants to repress it/pass it off until I'm 20... I just want to hug someone, or be involved in all the little girly things my 'friends' are doing. They're doing a Secret Santa and it's basically the 5 girls who's lockers are around my own, and one other girl and I'm just THERE in the morning, pretending to look zoned out when they're babbling on about the thing and what they're gonna get each other, and I'm ready to get violent, or say I'm gay or just cry. Except I do none, and go about with my day.
I feel dislike or jealousy for people with a real social life in school right now, there's a girl on my bus who has friends at every damn school in the area, but she's only BEEN to ours, and she does skating and is hardcore about it, and is going to Italy with another female friend and I dunno, just makes me want it so much.
I hate me being overly sarcastic sometimes, probably just to cover up how I really feel, but everyone here is so fake, so often, and those who aren't are just loved, but if I really said 'hey, stop acting like a fucking moron on purpose, or saying 'waaaaaaaat?' like an idiot, or complaining about the poor teacher who IS doing a good job but you don't like the h/w' I don't and that's probably hardly coherent, but whatever.
I like pop music a lot yay, I sort of want an Ipod/MP3 player for Christmas, just to pop it in and listen, and feel better maybe. But then I think about where else I'd use it outside of 1 or 2 periods at school, or when I'm not waiting at the doctor or dentist or for someone to pick me up or something, and it's as though I might as well just not waste the money, and buy some delicious new clothes with the cash instead, or save it.
I'd love to know if someone from my school was on here, even if it were someone I wouldn't give a damn about in person, or who I secrelt adore, I'd just love to know, to know maybe they're going through the same stuff, or to try and find out who they are. Or something.