Well it's beeen a chunk of time since I've posted anything here, I don't know if I'm regressing or still freaked out I told my mom I'm gay a month ago or what. She's fine with it, told me that she's read/heard about teens being unsure of their sexuality and changing though so 'maybe you should wait befor ecoming out until grade 12 when you might be more sure'. Well that was on the night of me saying I'm gay and we've talked a bit about it here and there, and I got back closer with my cousin who I first told, but lately I've felt sooooo left out by my female friends, they're not deliberately rubbing their little events in my face but I can't help but hear about this or that trip to the mall, or to the movies, or to someone's horesebackriding competition, or b-day party, or mini-putting, or halloween event, or tv day/night at someone's house...

I feel like if I said 'hey I'm gay' they'd include me way more, but at the same time I really have my doubts. Should I really come out to them now even though I KNOW I'm gay, but I think my mom's advice is still solid, and some guys at school have cropped up to be very anti-gay, but the point is; am I just wanting to say something for attention/to 'fit in'?! Some of that seems wrong, and then I dunno, nice to imagine going to the movies with them and joking about a hot actor, or grabbing someone's arm and not have them/me feel awkward, or be really ABLE to go by their houses without them feeling weird, but then wtf will they tell their parents? I wouldn't expect anything bad, but at the same time I don't want to just be 'the nice gay boy'.

Everything else is going fine though, only annoying thing atm is Physics, gr 11 style SUCKS, about half of the class including myself understands the concepts 100% only AFTER the unit test which is a huge chunk of our mark.

I have to go to an extra curricular thing again soon and last time I went it involved kids from other schools and at least 1 of the introducing guys was gay I know, just from voice and comments and glances and I felt soooo tempted to tell my female friend from school who was also there, but I just tried to say nothing to not make myself stand out.

I really really really want a nice plastic armband/bracelet rainbow colour-style or with the word GAY or QUEER on it for sometime in the next 6 months when I'm finally ok with telling more people and I can just wear it and be completely me and if someone looks at me I'll just flash it. Thanks for reading, oh and I love the TV Show HEROES it's awesome and a highlight to tonight!