Well like I said in my little biography some of you, just maybe some of you, may remember me as analyticallyinclined.
if so, please remember what I've written at that time, but understand that that was a good time ago, and that humans all change within time. I've grown so much but I'm still so far behind it feels.
My counselor keeps saying that I should remember just how much I have grown and its true I have. I used to be such a perturbed child, confused and lost in an unloving world. It's not quite like that anymore, not at all, but things still aren't within what I would describe as a state of natural flow.
It seems I'm in love with this sophomore and he's confusing the hell out of me because we've been separated for a while. See we just became friends at the end of the summer and everything went so fast between us and his family that I think I over pushed myself in their life. I'm hoping that's why there's this period of unexplained separation, wouldn't it only be natural for it to be that way?
I'm lost without someone, but confused with anyone. I have a job that sucks ass but have to understand that I must keep it or face the consequences. Hopefully it will provoke me to be more avid in my searching for colleges to attend and ways to finance my learning there. Because my recent crush, whom I can't understand how he still has this unfathomable grip on me, I've lost place with my true best friend. I'm not all alone, my best friend and I are still there but were just not as close.
It's all driving my crazy right now. I guess I'm in love but I can't love. I guess I want to be part of my new friends life but must accept that its just not that way. I want to be with my old friend but it seems awkward and I feel like I've outgrown him. I want a new job but wont be able to get one. I want a mother but don't have one. I want a better dad and will never get one. I want a significant other but must realize how hard and possibly impossible this may be to achieve. Money has lost its power, the things it buys have lost their luster, and the way in which I find happiness is not one in which this society will reward me.
Well I hope that gives you all a general drift of the me that is the thinks, but until later, that's all your getting. ;)