It is unbelievable how two people can share some events and communication, and they interpret it so differently. I even feel a bit inhibited to write frankly about everything because I don't want anybody to track me down here and know that story. But I want to write. So let's try to push these concerns aside...
I just (yesterday) had to learn that what to me had been committed flirting and mutual interest and affection and respect was actually all that only for me, but not for her. She told me that she had never been interested in me, that I am not her type, that if she had been interested she would not have hesitated to get what she wanted (I feel a bit offended by that... as if I don't have a say in that...), and that she was only flirting because she knows no other way to be. and because I was doing it so intensely. Well maybe I should be grateful that she wasn't denying that she was flirting, that would have really removed my last trust that I can kind of assess what is happening. But even so, I have a hard time understanding that what I thought happened is apparently not what really happened.
She is certainly not innocent in that confusion. when we met the day after we had first met, she told me that the night before, she had just wanted to have sex with me, and that if i had asked her to come to my place, she would not have said no.
what she tells me now is that she only said that because she is bad at saying she's not interested. I think it's a bad excuse. I actually don't understand how one can say something like that if it is not true. To make fun of the other person? Because she can't say she is not interested, like she told me now? But I did not ask her if she's interested, she just brought that topic up out of the blue. I don't deny I maybe signaled her I was interested. I don't deny I liked to hear her say that. But is that enough so that she could understand my behavior as putting her in a position where she had to say she had wanted sex the other day, cause if she didn't, it would amount to saying she is not interested. I really have a hard time understanding it.
I told her that yesterday, that I have a hard time believing what she says now, and that she maybe remembers things like she wants them to be, not like they really were. She insisted that she remembered them like they were for her, and ensured me again how much she was NOT interested in me, and had NEVER BEEN, etc.
There were a few specific things which to me had clearly indicated that she was interested, and I brought them up. she gave explanations what they had meant to her, and I accepted most of it. I think I accepted her story, at least most of it, the major message. She told me that if I don't believe her (that she was never only to the least interested) it is my ego. that I can't put up with the fact of not being wanted. I don't know. yes and maybe and no. yes and maybe because I notice my ego is there. I also notice a dream is taken away from me and I don't want to let it be taken away so easily. But then the dream is gone anyway. Either taken oway, or maybe rather it's content has changed, so that it is not such a nice dream anymore which ties me to it. Like when I believe her that she had made that sex comment without meaning it, then it changes my picture of her: not only that she did not want me, but also that she is quite respectless of me and did not shy away from misleading me.
No (to the accusation of not believing her because of my ego) because I am eager to know the true story, and when I can see how it was that I misinterpreted her intentions, then I might grudge, but grudgingly I accept that I had misinterpreted someting. And I readjust my image of reality.
any similar experiences??