So, I am having a hard time lately...just dealing with life in general.
I have been depressed as hell just thinking about the fact that I am gay, what effect it is going to have on my life and various other things. I am just really, really confused right now...I don't know...and the other day, in 3rd period, I was staring @ this attractive girl, knowing that I am gay (kinda wishful thinking) and I found myself attracted to her...I began to go back into the whole, " maybe I'm bi thing, though in reality, I'm 99.9% sure I'm gay...
Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about the future and the impact that it is going to have on my life. I have been looking at in state colleges and am sort of panicked. I mean, the schools I want to go to are fairly small, and about half of our graduating class ends out going to the one I want to go to every year-western washington. And friday, I found out some really, really homophobic guys I know are going there, so being around them if I get in would be hella hard for me...I just don't know what to do. I went into the UW bookstore the other day and checked out the advocate college guide David was telling me about.
It had virtually nothing on the colleges I am interested in attending, which sort of pissed me off. The one thing I really can't stand is this- Why, every bookstore you go into, does the GAY section of literature have to be right out there in plain view??? I mean, anyone can see you going there and reading a book, so it always scares the crap out of me that someone will see me.
I don't know what in the hell I'm going to do after high school. And the career path i want to take is hardly a gay friendly one, which basically means I won't be succesful in the career path I want to take...which sucks big time... oh well. On the plus side of things, I'm going riding next weekend in Bellingham with a bunch of friends and hitting up some of the best trails in the state. later