life...
So, I am having a hard time lately...just dealing with life in general.
I have been depressed as hell just thinking about the fact that I am gay, what effect it is going to have on my life and various other things. I am just really, really confused right now...I don't know...and the other day, in 3rd period, I was staring @ this attractive girl, knowing that I am gay (kinda wishful thinking) and I found myself attracted to her...I began to go back into the whole, " maybe I'm bi thing, though in reality, I'm 99.9% sure I'm gay...
Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about the future and the impact that it is going to have on my life. I have been looking at in state colleges and am sort of panicked. I mean, the schools I want to go to are fairly small, and about half of our graduating class ends out going to the one I want to go to every year-western washington. And friday, I found out some really, really homophobic guys I know are going there, so being around them if I get in would be hella hard for me...I just don't know what to do. I went into the UW bookstore the other day and checked out the advocate college guide David was telling me about.
It had virtually nothing on the colleges I am interested in attending, which sort of pissed me off. The one thing I really can't stand is this- Why, every bookstore you go into, does the GAY section of literature have to be right out there in plain view??? I mean, anyone can see you going there and reading a book, so it always scares the crap out of me that someone will see me.
I don't know what in the hell I'm going to do after high school. And the career path i want to take is hardly a gay friendly one, which basically means I won't be succesful in the career path I want to take...which sucks big time... oh well. On the plus side of things, I'm going riding next weekend in Bellingham with a bunch of friends and hitting up some of the best trails in the state. later
hellonwheels
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Comments
The gay section for books is
The gay section for books is so interesting, I went to visit UC Berkeley, and it was like a whole section of the damn book store to gay books, so it would be obvious you were gay by just being in the area lol.
Yah, awhile ago, I so depressed about my future and the whole gay thing, just sorting it out, made me sad, I wanted things to be simpilar. But now, I have grown to being gay, and I found out that my future can be happy and gay, so keep the hopes high man.
Thanks Nick...
That seriously means alot... I just don't know how my future is going to turn out, you know? I mean, just the thought of having a sexual relationship w/ another guy grosses me out...if I did not know that it were natural, I would be totally against homosexuality...I just think it is disgusting and I can't see myself in a relationship...Kind of the old, why is something so right so wrong mentality, you know? anyways, have an awesome weekend...
Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman
heya!
hmm, i would normally say something stupid, but i'm too fucken tiered! dude, basically, yeh, being gay has some pretty shit implications, not because you are gay but because of the way people are inclined to treat you, just ask the older guys about that, jeff and oldfoxbob. but i mean, fighting it is making ou myserable, and a lot of us have tried the same thing, being gay doesn't go away, u'r gay, that's that. a smart person doesn't let that fact crumple them, adapt to it, make it fit, u'll find that it does anyway. in u'r profession, it is especially hard to be gay, but i mean, think about it this way, why do your collegues need to know u'r gay? by the time they'll find out they'll probably like you so much it wont matter, hell i like you and u've been a total bitch to me most of the time! :P
the college thing is stressing, but trust me, i've been through it just last year, once it's done it's done and u'll see it wasn't all that hard anyway, and don't pick a college according to who's going, pick it according to what you want to study, colleges are pretty big places, even the small ones, those homophobic guys, you don't have to see them everyday. also, u'll often find that the most homophobic people aren't really that homophobic. my best friend kept telling everyone how disgusting homo's are and how he's bash em up if he knew who they were at the school and so on, but when i told him about myself he barely cared and apologised for saying all that shit, and you know what, that cockhead is coming with me to my gay club soon!
long story short, it'll be ok and we're here for you.
adam