In my current world issues (CWI) class, we were discussing our five most important issues in economics, security, human rights, environment and the world...So anyway, we had to write a 2.5 page paper on that, mine was more like three, but when it came to the human rights part, I didn't know what to write...I almost wrote a bunch of things, including nearly outing myself over the gay marriage/ gay rights issue...our teacher brought it up towards the end because it had the second highest # of checks next to it in the human rights category...

So anyway, we got into a heated debate as a class...which led to arguing that I am sure will continue tomorrow...one kid said " God made adam and eve, not adam and steve" that old conservative quote...I had to laugh a little at that...the whole class did..But during the entire discussion, for some reason, I was twitching...and I think people noticed...especially my homophobic friend who sits across the room...shit, and he's the one I kind of had a crush on the other day...lol.

But certain things were said today in class that I just wanted to respond to from the perspective of a gay guy, but I couldn't because I would have outed myself, which would not have been good. anyway, it was an interesting debate and I don't know if I am looking forward to the conclusion of it tomorrow...I have to say though, I was surprised at the people who were pro gay marriage...Girls that I would never have expected to say yes to it did, and that came as a total shock...

I dunno how this year is going to go...I still don't really have any friends, people avoid me, no matter how hard I try to be in a social situation and I am again slipping into psychotic thinking and insanity...I forgot to take my pills a few times this week, and its effect was felt last night...all night I was sitting there thinking of how insane I''ve become, partially based on lies I've believed, partially based on truths and partially pure dementia...I was sitting there until 3 in the morning thinking about ending my life- except that I don't have a gun...lol...

so I went for a ride...which wasn't so enjoyable, as my body is falling apart, but it still got my mind off of the depressing and downward spiraling, self - hating/harming thoughts that I was having...being depressed sucks... but it's not all bad...
I get the new rear wheel for my bike this week, so that will be sweet...oh and I finally found out that I didn't get fired, just put on probation from work, so I guess that's good...

hope all's well for everyone else. peace

hellonwheels