Hey guys. It's been a while.

My laptop died today =( So i am even further behind on work than I was to begin with.
It might be a while before I am back for good =\

Anyway. One of the things I have written on here before, was my first crush. He was one of my best friends in high school, and for many years I had a secret pining for him. Everything came to a head one year over new year's eve, when I was at a friend's place for a NYE party, and I had had too much to drink.

Basically, he propositioned me, and we ended up having some very fumblingly unsatisfying oral sex (why must your first time always suck so badly). Although (very) akward, it was everything I had ever dreamed of, and my world collapsed when he wouldn't speak to me anymore the next day.

He went odd, and shortly afterward changed his circle of friends. He also then got involved with some random girl, and started playing team sports, in a supposed effort to butch up.

It was one of the hardest experiences of my life, and I have always wondered what happpened to him, mostly because I really did care for him, but also because of my guilt at how badly I handled the entire .. affair.

Beyond that, I also found out from one of my friends recently, that after that new year's eve party, he fasted for a week, and underwent some sort of spiritual thing that led to him abandoning our group of friends. I seriously hate the idea that my sperm turned anyone christian =)

The irony of all this, is that after high school he went on to study interior design (one has to wonder if hairdressing acadamy was full). I hope he is happy, and I still miss him.. but I also know that I can't dwell on the past.