Hey peoplez

Okay um this is gona be a bit of a rant... i reli have no idea where to start.. but it's just this shit holiday i've been having in taiwan. I've got absolute nothing to do here, I'm missing so much time I could spend with my friends in NZ. It's also so damn hot here.. its over 30 degrees celsius. And I'm just pissed off with everyone in my family.

First of all it's my sister, she didn't come back to Taiwan and instead went to a South America trip so she gave me this huge list of stuff I have to buy for her... but then she didn't even explain everything properly. She told me to get her a ball dress, and she doesn't even describe what she wants it to be like. She told me that she told mum what she 'wants', but she only told mum she wants it red. Now it makes it so hard to choose one for her and it seems like I have to bear that responsibility if I choose something she doesn't like. Besides that, she asked me to get contact lenses for her as well... she said dad will know the shop which has the 'data' for her eyes so I don't need to worry. So dad said few days ago that we were going to check out the contacts... but today when I'm at my mum's place and she called dad to remind him about getting my eyes checked and getting my sis's contacts.. my dad somehow was all angry and now he decided not to get my sister's contacts (the reason partly because he thinks my sister need to be here to get a contact lense that matches her eye). And now I have to be the person to send an email to my sister on the other side of the world somewhere in South America to explain about something I don't even know much to her. It's going to piss her off and when I go back to NZ I'm going to be the one she gets pissed off with. Omg.

And my brother. He plays the computer all the fucking time. He doesn't fucking do anything else. He will decide not to eat when he's on the computer. He will decide not to engage in other social activies. He will decide not to sleep or I don't know what else. I know he's on vacation as well, but he's going over the top. He's with me at my mum's place right now and my mum got all angry at him but he doesn't care at all. When my mum and I went out to buy our dinner... my brother 'preferred' to stay at home to play on the computer. When we left we told him to lock the door twice.. and when we got back we realised he hasn't even got off his seat to lock the door. I mean omg, what the hell man.. he really needs to get his priorities right. And today in the car, my brother and my mum had stupid fights because my brother is a shallow retard and compares my mum to my dad and always say these extremely nasty things and has no respect at all for anyone. And my mum is always so scared that we won't like her (I can see it even when she scolded my brother), and at the same time she makes so many demands on how we should behave and what we should be like without even considering what might be different for other people, what might be alternative options, mentioning the methods or saying it in a encouraging way. Like today she was demanding my brother to get full marks for his exams (and for fuck sakes he's on vacation!) and keeps on screaming at him to study and all that (not the best way) and comparing him to this cousin of mine who has a EXTREMELY strict dad. Apparently I hated that kind of teaching, and it's just bugging me so much. Also at lunch my mum and brother is having this stupid argument when my mum told my brother to stop talking to me and eat his lunch. I mean if she said it nicer he might've but my brother just got pissed and my mum keeps forcing my brother to eat this and that and the whole fucking mood of the lunch got so bad. Argh, i mean wtf man it's only lunch.

Then yesterday I went to this friend of my dad's place so she can burn a few albums for me... and while she was burning it she asked me "what's with your mum and dad" (in mandarin off course).. she sounded like she was interrogating me.. asking whether they are divorced and how strong their relationship is or whatever. I mean.. wtf. WTF. I think she's just curious because my dad never mentions anything about my mum to most of these friends. But I don't know how much they know, and how much I'm meant to say or not say or lie about when they happen to ask me anything of any relevance to my mum. It just puts me in this really hard position and I don't know what to do or say. I'm just so pissed at everyone. On another note, my mum keeps thinking that friend of my dad is my dad's girlfriend. She tries to say it in a neutral way but also in a way with some kind of disgust and contempt. And then my mum would ask me questions about her, which I seriously have no more idea than my mum herself. Gawd this is just so fucking pissing me off. And everytime my mum mentions the friend of my dad's name in front of my brother, my brother would get so defensive of dad and SCREAM at my mum for being so sensitive. Then they would have another stupid fucking argument about nothing and again I have to be the person to calm them down or somehow out of all screwed-up-ness be the bad guy to point out who's making a point (saying who's 'wrong' in a way) or change the fucking topic. Omg. In the end I guess I'll end up no more saner than my family. There's so much more shit that came out from this friend of my dad that I just won't go into it.

And ya you know about my cuts I've made. They'ved faded a lot more, but my brother saw it and he asked about them. I gave some lame excuse about an accident in technology class. He's still extremely suspcious though. My mum noticed them too (not hard) and I gave the same lame excuse. But guess what, my dad haven't noticed the cuts at all. In a way that's a good thing, but in another way it just shows how little time he spends with me at all.

Also, there's this bi guy who used to like me... and a while ago he confessed to me and said he was completely over me because he's got a girlfriend. I find that a good thing because I don't feel anything for him. But today he started talking to me again and was saying some things I would think of as major flirting even a bit too uncomfortable coming from him. I was like "oh oh, I'm sure you don't want to cheat on your gf"... and then he said he's not sure whether she's still his gf and things are complicated. So I got all confused whether he's over me or not. It's so fucking hard to tell sarcasm on MSN. Especially when he says things like "Maybe I can have you after all". Which um, is reli hard to tell whether he's serious or not. I mean, I make a fucking big deal out of it because he's starting to say uncomfortable stuff agen and I'm not going to flirt back. I also won't know whether to assume he's actually liking me again and tell him I don't like him AGAIN which would sound reli up myself if he's only being sarcastic about everything he's saying. Urgh urghghghhg.

Yeah, that's my pretty shit holiday. I can't wait to go back to New Zealand. Hmm yeah.. I'm missing Julie's partee. Oh, Ellen also told me today that herself, Julie and Tyler are all going to Japan to be an exchange student next year... I'm really gona miss them. Yeah, but that's next year.

Blah blah blah, so much other shit I reli can't be stuffed to write them...