I'm a total fuck up. I am a complete and utter fuck up who can't do anything properly.
I may have lost my college loans because I didn't get a stupid piece of paper to fill out and I just found this out and it was due the first of July and my mom will just bitch if she finds out and if I can't fix this I can't go to school and I am a complete idiot. I hate me. I really fucking hate me and my incompetence and.... God I really fucked this up.

I had to write out alternate plans for my future to keep from having a total panic attack and to reassure myself that not being able to go to college is not something to kill myself over and that I will figure something out to fo with the next year. But it obviously hasn't helped because all of my alternatives suck ass and not in a pleasant way. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

I hate me and I hate that I'm such an idiot when it comes to filling out a shitload of college paperwork and I hate that my mother wouldn't send me my things and I missed another deadline.

I want to curl up and sob until I fall asleep and then I want some ice cream and to sleep some more without being disturbed. But no, I don't even have my own bed right now so I have to suck it up and be all everything is fine I'll work it out. I hate me.

Yeah, this is really lame.