You Trapped Me
Your voice is a blade to my throat
Your embraces chain me up like barbed wire
While your charming eyes burn through me
You've held me captive long enough
I've got not what you want
Not what you desire
So let me go,
Liberate me from your addictive affection
Free me from your dangerous deception
Dismiss me from this insane pain;
This cage you gently adored me in
Release me
Let me live.
--Uncertain
(revised after hellonwheel's comment, I dno if its any better tho)
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Comments
nice...
Nice poem Max. I liked the line half way down. "liberate me from your addictive affection, free me from your dangerous deception" . That was a cool line...I think you could polisg it up a bit though...Nice start to a poem, but it seems like the ending needs a little work...That's just me offering some constructive criticism, as my english teacher would call it...Nice poem dude.
Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman
Kkay thanks, yeah I kind of h
Kkay thanks, yeah I kind of had the inspiration for the start.. but I got a bit lost for the ending.
Yeah I revised it a little no
Yeah I revised it a little now.
nice revising...
The insane, pain part was really good...nice poem.
Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman