last night....i stood out on the deck and wondered what it would feel like if i jumped off. would i die? or would i break too many bones and spend the rest of my life in agony?

this isn't the first time i've contemplated suicide. i know it sounds harsh, but it's true. every once in a while, i plummet. straight down into an area i'm not familiar with. i don't think it's depression, but i don't know what it is...

and it scares me. well..."scare" isn't quite the word. worries me. i don't know what's going on.

on a happier note, i realized one thing i want in a significant other. intensity. humor's nice, but i need intensity. crazy as it sounds, it came from me watching the Boondocks. one of the characters, huey, is so powerful and intense...it was awesome. if i met a girl (or guy) like that, wow.