Sometimes you write some of it down though, except the other night I did not, and I wanted to come on here and just type type type but I did not. Yay for school ngihts. I am psyched for Sunday seeing X3 with a girl from school. She would fit me perfectly if I were straight. I think she may suspect I am gay, but I don't know if she's thinking of this as a date or what, we've never actually been to the movies together, and it'll be just the 2 of us to see X3. I was feeling so werid about giving my email out to a couple of people on this site I have exchanged PMs with, but now I am better about it. I wonder wtf I will do in University if by some miracle I find a nice hottie and want to have sexual relations with them. If they're in Uni too, then their dorm would likely be awkward. But then mine would be too, even if rooms are separate I just can't IMAGINE that. Did anyone go to college/university with a straight roomate or small dorm or can relate at all to my wacky thought pattern?

Someone posts here and is from England and they are nice enough to comment on my journals sometimes, who is in your avatar? Is it Elton John and someone, or is that you or what I am semi-confused on that front. I wore pink today, got multiple compliments, even from a grade 8 boy who wore the same goddamn Jacket as me from American Eagle for around 2 months several months ago. No one made fun of me for it either, though I did feel very effeminate and wore jeans that don't look super straight, but aren't tight since I don't dig tight jeans. It's nice and warm enough, I hate mosquitoes. I used to live on a tropical island. I hope and pray and love and live and hope and pray some more in my head that someone I know in my town/immediate life reads this or something and I won't have to admit I'm gay to them all of a sunder. I would love to take the easy way out and have everyone just stumble onto this and say, HEY, I knew it! And ask me, and me just be able to answer Yes rather than explain and have them wonder why I never said anything.

I am majorly crushing on this boy who is one year older than I am in a grade above me and he sits next to me in biology since we're in the same course. If you knew that from a previous of entry of mine, DAAAAAAAAAAMN, pat on the back and BJ for you I swear. Or maybe not, but dare to dream my lovely. I seem to have so many ups and downs, all today in school I was on cloud nine. Maybe I have a hormonal imbalance or am exposed to X or Y chemicals some days and that's why I act like what I can imagine to be high. Or maybe I'm just a teen, or maybe it's being gay, or maybe I'm unique as can be as you are. I want to kiss a nice looking boy. I want to hold another gay person's hands that is below 50 (no offense to any oldies, I heart you too), I want to go to university and learn all about medicine and feel free and go down the streets of Toronto and wear some gay pride stuff and strut into a gay bar and see wtf happens.

Canada's Next Top Model was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad. I can imagine myself in the television business (not literal TV salesperson duh), I would redo that whole flippin' show and first episode and the judges and holy wow the girls weren't all that together and 3 of them I will insult and say they got hit with an ugly stick all over. ANTM is far better. Ms. J I was intrigued enough by to check wikipedia for. Wikipedia is amazing. I want to be a revolutionary and a martyr and change the world. I want to have respect and help people and help every sick and disabled person on the planet. I want to meet you all and kiss my crush and have a magic power to know who is straight and who is gay and who would be willing to do A or B on the spot. Kisses and hugs and sometimes I really really really just want a hug and now just thinking of that my eyes water because I want to hug a boy so badly or hug one of you or anyone who reads this. These words don't show the emotion for me right now I'd guess, but oh well. I wish I was more photogenic and wish I could have one of those highs and have pen and paper or keyboard at the ready to type all these amazing thoughts that flow in then. I think so much and sometimes I feel like I dont think enough at all. I used to think saying I love you was wrong to do unless it was true, I see how simplistic the expression is, and you'll know when someone says it with MEANING or when you DO love someone. I miss the days when I was small and so carefree and I would kiss anyone who came over for dinner on the cheek no matter who it was. X's and O's and holla'.