Ooooh, well I guess if you're still avidly following my journal entires, you'll know last weekend I had a minor fiasco for X3 with a friend. Well I ended up going, my bro and mom went to Da Vinci Code and no one saw them and I met up with my female friend, and low and behold she brought along an older guy who she is friends with that looked cute and works at the movies and wanted to see movie with us! For a few minutes I was 100% thinking she thought/knew I was gay and this guy was gay or some sort of set-up. Then I realized it wasn't haha. We went in and saw the movie, she kept talking and didn't know any of the characters so we had to explain it and we all made funny cracks, he was on one side of her I was on other so we couldn't really talk, I would have liked to though, he was nice and though I probably didn't get a page of writing in to him he seemed like someone I'd like to talk to more, not just for being nice-looking!

At one point my 'friend' made a crack about the 'special' mutant, and was 'are they gay?!' and we laughed but it hit me that she wasn't homophobic but not as nice to homosexuals as I'd thought I guess, and it had seemed beforehand like she'd be the #1-5 person I'd come out to. Movie was alright, shit compared to the first 2, and they just killed too many people and introduced characters just to appease the comic book. The end after the credits made sense but if they are making a 4th one or he lives on or whatever it is, they shouldn't have messed this movie up so bad...

Umm, my grandma and aunt and cousin are all here. My annoying as hell cousin who I came out to who acts so immature and is 22 and done 4 years of university and can't fucking get out of my personal space. She really can't take the hint that I want her to leave me alone, and she isn't trying to comfort me or bond or anything because I told her I was probably gay, she's just being annoying and making baby voices and omg...

This same friend I went to the movies with has a bday on Monday (well, THE bday, sweet 16) and I heard by way of another friend that she is having a party on Saturday. Well I wasn't informed directly so I'm apparantly not invited... I felt depressed today when we were working on euthanasia in French for a debate and the friend who was talking about the parrty's boyfriend came up and kissed her and it was cute but he is a mean homophobic moron, and it was awkward as hell and I then felt sadder because I still have yet to be kissed in a real way. I was also thinking about what I would DO at the party if I went, it sounds more about drinking than anything. I have yet to get drunk, don't do drugs, my dad is a CEO for a beer company and we've got plenty of alcohol all over the place but I just don't like the usually acrid/bitter taste and hangovers sound bad, especially when I'm already on a teenage emotional rollercoaster. Ya I just copied that to the title, it's a nice expression/expressive bit. Anyway I haven't been to an alcohol party except for a girl's birthday party many months ago and it was really awkward because I was the only guy there when the other boy didn't show up... then we watched Eurotrip and holy wow you can imagine how awakward THAT was then with him being all about sex and the nudity and jeeze. Anyway I'm not sure I'd know what to do at said party if she does invite me along the week or I push the envelope for her to do so...

I feel like I have no social life and as nice as my 'friends' are and as humourous as I can be at times and feel how everyone loves me, it's as though all I have are a few girls as close friends and I basically never associate with them outside of school, and I'm also wondering what would change if I came out to them/everyone. I mean, would I instantly have an excuse/reason to have girls over, or to be over at their house, or to not do sports? I haven't done any PMs to the nice people that were PMing with me here, so sorry if you're reading this and I have not been on MSN in over a month.

That too seems idiotic and half the time I consider what the idea of a 'social life' is at this age. I mean, what is it teens/us can actually DO outside of school? And at a party it sounds like it's all about getting drunk or stoned, or making out, well hmm, no one is having sex I'm sure, and movies are only so much, so all this hanging out and mucho social life seems very overrated, and wtf do the idiots I am surrounded by talk about with each other then at their houses? I feel out of it again now, a couple of days ago I was so happy and I made everyone in all my classes laugh and felt so liked/loved and I was talking to a crush and it was nice. Hmm, a gr. 11 crush in biology is not sitting next to me I don't know why, he moved to the front weeks ago, I should ask but it'd be kind of weird to say 'so why are you up at the front now?'. It doesn't SOUND weird, but pose the question as a year-younger guy who is not nearly so muscular or attractive (well maybe!) and could-be-gay and oh noes, and then see how it goes. I still want to know why he moved though. What the hell am I going to do this summer? I was thinking about going to a gym, but damn that sounds so awkward too! I feel so skinny and want to see what I'll do when semi-formal dance comes around next year and hmm, if I came out as gay, I could ask anyone who was mean to me if they have something against gays, and what it is? No one in my school has an argument against gays being bad except that they dislike them because they ARE gay. I am proud that you read this, I'll be prouder if you comment. Prouder rhymes with clouder which = a group of cats. Muah. That is the kiss sound, hear it? MUAH!