If you had asked me a year ago, I would have answered 16: that's when I realized I was lesbian by meeting my ex-girlfriend and falling in love. that's when I acknowledged something, when I started some lesbian life. If you had asked me a year ago, I would have told you with the most honest intentions that I never considered my sexuality before age 16.
But recently I read my old diaries from when I was 11, 12, 13 years old, and back then I literally wrote: "I fell in love. But it is with a woman." And some entries later I rectified myself, saying that I was probably not really in love. And then some time later, I was all obsessing about another girl, and I literally wrote: "If I were a boy, I would say I have a crush on her." But being a girl, I apparently did not think that was possible. But then at least I asked myself: "Does that mean I am a lesbian?" but I concluded "No, it doesn't". I don't remember any rational logic which brought me to that conclusion, but I think "lesbian" just sounded so terribly alien und unthinkable at that time for me (I did not know any lesbians, not even gay men) that I did not even seriously consider the possibility that this word could describe ME. I asked myself that question, but only to reconfirm what I needed to reconfirm: that it was impossible to be a lesbian.
So in a way I questioned my sexuality when I was about 12, but then I didn't. Cause when I seriously considered my sexuality again at age 16, I had completely forgotten that I had ever questioned it before. Weird story, isn't it? I answered 10-13, to do justice to the questions which I find in my diary, even though the "questioning" I did then was so shallow that I did not even remember it 3 years later.
Did anyone else question their sexuality at some point only to come up with the answer that they are NOT gay/lesbian, and then forget that they had ever questioned their sexuality?
i have been questioning my sexuality for as long as i remember... but i just thought it was normal that i was normal... but yeah reading all my old journals i find things like "omg she is so beautiful... if only i could love her..." i wrote that at like 8... so but i kept telling myself no its not true...
im 18 now... and im just starting to be okay with it... but still its hard for me to say... even tho i am dating a girl now... i still cant say outloud that its true i am gay...
to love me is like suicide...
I put 14-17 since that was after I first realized i had a crush on a female teacher. Of course, for basically that whole time I was in strict denial about it, and wouldn't admit it to myself until I was 18. And there were some definate red flags before I was 10 too... so it's difficult to pinpoint when exactly.
But in reality I started questioning gay/bi when I was about 7 or 8.
Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman
13 was when I put a name to it.
- One Nation, Under Darkness
Erm.. 13/14 I remember thinking about girls "like that", and wondering what it would be like to be in bed with them (lol), but just completely and utterly dismissed it cos I had a 'crush' on a guy.
But then crushes on guys died out... got a gf at 16. Didn't accept it until 17, almost 18 now.
But technically, if I think about it, there were much earlier signs. I was such a tomboy as a kid. I actually asked my mother to call me Tom because I wanted to be a boy aged 8. Crossdressed til 12. Wouldn't even talk to girls, just hung out with boys (so oddly, no childhood girl crushes because I just didn't wanna talk to em lol. To bloody girly).
Hmm.. Reading this back it is no wonder I feel rather genderqueer these days.
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