About a year ago I finally admitted to myself that I am the
biggest dyke in my town. Not only that, but one of the few.
Now, a little over a year later, I've decided that I'm going
to throw myself back into the closet.
I am content with my sexuality and I've learned that it's only
a part of me. I'm sure you all are probably starting to say
to yourself, "Why the hell would you put yourself back into
the closet after you spent all that time getting yourself out
of it?" My reasoning is simple, but it might also be thought
of as pretty damn stupid. I'm going to join the military.
Yikes. Wow. Yea, I know. Crazy. All my life, I always had a
soft spot in my heart for the military. In high school I
thought about joining a few times. Wasn't 100% sure on it at
the time, but as we all saw that thought didn't last very long.
After my step dad's funeral, which was a military funeral by
the way, I began noticing things that I would have never taken
a second glace at, hadn't it been for the military funeral. I'm
not one to listen to so-called "signs", but holy hell they were
just screaming at me.
I know the signs have always been around, but this was the first
time in a long time that I actually listened to them. I've figured
it all out. I'm not going to go to my recruter until August. Need
to save up money and get into better shape. Plus I have a few
bills that need to still get paid. Not only that but work is going
to start picking up here soon and I can't just leave them in a
lurch. Plus signing up takes months. They're super slow.
After discussing this whole subject with a few friends and them
telling me that that sounds like something I would do, and they
support me...well some of them...I made my final decision. I even
told the gf. She wasn't too happy. I totally understand why she
doesn't like the idea and why it disappoints her so much, but
we don't even know if I'll be able to get in. See, I don't have
the best knees, but they're up to par now.
She said that she supports me, but she really hopes that I don't
get in. *Nice, isn't it?* She told me that when I go in for my
phsyical she's going to kick me in the shins, and only nurture
me back to health if I don't get in. She's really worried about
the whole thing though because I've figured out everything that
I plan on doing up until the time comes for when they tell me
if I'm in or not.
I'm not going to break up with her before I even go see my recruter
and get told that I'm not eligible due to my knees, because then
I lose two things in my life that I really want. But staying with
her will be even harder if I do get in because it'll all be very
secretive. I told her that I don't know what I'm going to do yet.
All I know is that it's going to be hard no matter what happens.
Anywho, now that I've bored you all with this sob story. I'm going
to go and eat dinner with my mom, who I haven't shared this whole
topic with yet either. I'll just keep it on the D.L until the time
comes to go see the recruter. You all have a great day. And maybe
one day I'll be back. Wish me luck.