"We gather here today to mourn the passing of Kalie Water. Who is also a loving friend, sister, daughter as well as a devoted civil union partner."
Teagan clenched her fists tightly. She was unable to unleash herself like those near her, who were drowning the church in a form of tense misery. It would be understandable and conventional for her to do the same but it is not her philosophy. She is not going to shed torturing tears.
Maybe Teagan believed she was a radio picking up white noise in the background. She could almost be invisible. A stranger in the midst would've thought Teagan was another stranger... the least to think she is the woman that had lost her other half.
There were children on the benches, the sole purpose of their parents being devoted to maintain their behaviour - like they were only here for the ambience of an impromptu play. Daniel only gazed with lubricating eyes at her mother, Teagan, having eyes so naive they ask a question as to what was going on. Teagan didn't know either. Teagan didn't know her purpose.
Teagan removed her eyes from the distance as she returned to her horrible reality.
"Yes honey?", she said faintly trying not to break.
"They're calling you Mommy".
Teagan observed the stage, seeing the Reverend patiently waiting for her to go up and say her last word before the burial. She saw Kalie's mother lifting her fragile legs down the stairs as her bland face is red and puffy from the mixture of make up and tears. She just finished her depressing words to her deceased daughter, mostly compromising of sneezes, sobs and broken words. She aged ten years in the past ten minutes.
So Teagan removed herself from her seat, journeyed down the hallway that felt miles longer than it seemed. Every step was replied by a distant echo against the back wall. She walked past Kalie's mother, tried to whisper some comforting words to her ear... but the air was so thick nothing came out. Nothing could've penetrated all the sorrow the old pigeon was going through to touch her heart at this moment. She needs her space, thought Teagan.
She knelt down beside the plainly decorated coffin. Kalie's eyes still seemed to be lively looking at her as she stared blankly. Kalie's eyes also seemed to speak, but despite all it was saying... Teagan would not cry.
Then, Teagan was struck with epiphany. Kalie’s eyes have so much water in them - and in her personality. Water that was flexible and found new routes through their blocked paths. Water that was pure, and reflecting all the light there was. Water that could move on and told a story of what was in them through an unstained transparency as it motioned. Kalie's mother had those eyes, so did Daniel. Teagan was told she had them too. Except, the cold emptiness in her heart had froze the water in her. Ice that was stuck with the tolls of time and hid everything beneath the layer of opaque, white crystal.
That was why she could not cry. Before, she is not willing to accept and embrace this truth.
"These tears are not for you honey," moisture gathered in Teagan’s eyes as she quietly affirmed. "I will not say goodbye." She ran her hand past Kalie’s eyes and shut her eyelids. Then she stood up, and believed this is not only a mourning session, but also a celebration of Kalie's life.
Now that she had let honesty in, the ice started to thaw. Free water can now move on past the obstacles.
Those were the meaning of her tears.