Yep, I knew the title would grab your attention! And I am glad that you are literate indeed. Sometimes I think everyone in North America squanders it; I've never lived in a 3rd world country or anything of the like, but I see how stupid some people are about being able to read and even at 16-18 they can't properly spell or even speak; yet I'm sure some kid 1000miles away with Aids/Polio/malnutrition would LOVE the chance to just have a piece of paper or a book or something.

Anyway, that's not what this is about, but my latest rant which you are still excitedly reading is to come. Sometimes I feel like I don't have any friends. I have at least 25+ friends who are girls at school, and who I have common interests with and who I have even been to the movies with on non-dates and the rare b-day party or after school excurssion. But now getting closer to grade 11 I feel like I have no real guy friends, and my mom and I have been getting on each other's nerves all week and finally we had a blowout last night and she outright asked me why she hasn't seen any of my friends, or why we've been living here since moving from not so far away for 3 years and I haven't had anyone over. It's resolved and all and the majority of the time she tries to baby me and wants me to go to university near home etc. etc. and my dad is away on business so that doesn't matter. But I still feel like I'd never have anyone to invite over. Sometimes I stretch things in school and try to act like we have more money than we do, we're middle class and my house looks very mansion-esque and I try to enforce that richy image. It was and is a mistake I see, but I still kind of wouldn't want anyone over just to see the real me and the not quite huge house and my bland and at times gayish room.

I'm not really sure how to reach out and be buddy buddy with other males at school, I can bring up X and Y and start a convo sometimes, or on MSN it's easy enough, but am I supposed to say; hey, want to catch a movie this weekend? I'm pretty sure a lot of the guys at my school have at least something int he back of their heads that makes them wonder whether or not I or others are straight. I haven't come out to anyone at the land called high school yet, and just one relative total. I feel better about myself more often now, a lot less sad and near depressive; I guess since I've really accepted that I'm gay and actually think more about a future with a boyfriend or where a gay-friendly city is and things like that.

My b-day is coming up eventually and I haven't had a birthday party since I was about 10, and we moved and then we moved again after that point and I just stopped having parties then. My family and I go out for dinner or do something, but I dunno if there's anything I would like to do to actually reach out to my school friends around my upcoming bday time. I can see asking a few girls to go see Inside Man, but then after I'd feel extremely weird about going to the movie with jsut 3 girls, and if I asked 3 guys and only one showed, or even 2, I'd still feel somewhat awkward I think, maybe even more.

I feel like I have no real after-school or social life. I'm trying to snag a part-time job, to no avail, I haven't had a job before, so that makes chances of getting one a tad slimmer. Volunteer work I'll start up soon, but I hate hearing about how a gaggle of girls headed off to the mall or are going to go tanning; or how some guys saw an awesome movie, or played poker or whatever. I'm afraid to indicate I'm gay I think, but even then I still want to just do after school stuff with people, just don't know how to start it, or incorporate multiple genders so it's not too weird. Thanks for reading; a big muah or mwah or xxx as in kisses to you. I also want to just write thanks to Oasis for being here and Jeff and whoever else moderates, even if you don't read this I'm really glad this site is here.