Well anyways I think I love her (more than friend love) only problem is she has a boyfriend and most defintetly straight and I've told her that I'm questioning (told my mom too i think she [mom] is hobophobic) and my fi feel but I'm scared too though cuz like ihow I feel but I'm scared too though cuz like i said she has a b/f and they look/sound so cute together and she really loves him and I don't want to jepoardize that...yet I can't seem to even be able to squash my feelings (I even thought if i could even try liking another girl that'd be good, but no matter how many girls i think about she remains in my head 24/7. :(

Here is a poem I wrote about/to her but never gave her:

You

Simple thought runs through my head
No, it's not "I should be dead"
I wonder who you're gonna wed
Who you're gunna put in your bed

I think of your lovely face
I put it out with haste
Should anyone find out
Going down the drain is my doubt

I know you're attached
I know I'll never be your match
I'll never be your batch
Or your catch

There will never be anything more than friendship
Never a relationship
Never touching lips
Why do I keep making up "what ifs"?

But regardless, I want to be there
To play with your hair
To swear
My love, unwavering

I want to call you "baby"
I don't want to think anymore "maybes"
I want to sing you a lullaby
Sing you to sleep

I know you're a girl
While I'm not a guy
I hear in the background those hurls
I dont want it to be "goodbye"

You deserve your ideal man
Even if I'd die
For you
Who

Is there for me?
Whether it's a he or a she
It doesn't matter anymore
I might get called "whore"
In the process
But, I'll do my best

I'm spiralling down
Help me I'm drowning
When I think of you
I feel clueless

'Cause I know I'm in love
You'll give me a playful shove
Thinkin' it's not true
But, baby, it's as true as the sky is blue

With you I want to cuddle
And jump in the April puddles
Hand in hand
Wanna help you stand

-----

Please tell me what you think!!

~Randi

PS. I put this as journal entry because I feel this is where it belongs. Thanks.