Well pretty soon I'll be entering gr 11, and there is a girl that I hang out with a lot, and she and I semi-flirt and have for the past few months and now we start to almost deliberately brush hands. THe thing is that I'm not turned on by her or girls at all no matter how many jiggling boobs I imagine or whatever, but those times we do our little flirtation I get a bit of a charge, and I love her for her personality. We also fit and would make a decent couple I think, so next year around November or Jan I think I'll ask her out. I know that it could end in disaster and I'd eventually come out to her, but I have never been kissed by either sex, for all I know a girl's lips might be a turn on. I guess I am still concerned about being gay in the world and almost want to just be straight or rather Bisexual. I think I would be able to maintain a relationship with her next year for months, under 6 but for a good while. It would also make non-believers of me claiming to be straight in school think I am, and if I don't come out in high school it'd just ease things.

I sit next to a guy who is a year older in one of my classes, he's not an idiot, just older via month magic so anyway; sometimes he and I will make a joke or laugh or whatever, we're not really friends, but I give him candy all the time (like Skittles, you perv) and we laugh at teacher and little things. One time he said that X person was a great guy but acted so gay, but he wasn't exactly slamming them or gays. Sometimes he sounds a tad racist, but most of the time he is fine. He is gorgeous to me and pretty well toned, I feel like he is bi-curious or something, or in the closet, but I wouldn't be able to tell him because I mean, if he wasn't I'd be there 2 years with him again. I think part of it is just wanting to touch him or something, I keep dremaing up scenarios of him going to the bathroom and me following in and kissing him and one thing leads to the next, or me just telling him I'm gay in the washroom and seeing what happens.

Sometimes I think it would be so great if someone out and gay or not afraid to come out somewhere/to someone they'd never see again could just come and ask a ton of people in my school if they are gay or not and then report back to me so I might know. Even if they lied, maybe the gay person's gaydar would be a tip off. Any advice on what to do for boy who sits next to me and is fun to be around? How about dating a girl next year? Thanks and love ya.