Well that killed my day....

Hyacinthus's picture

Yeah ok so you guys already know about my whole coming out experience with my friends (if not see ^%^&#%^# YES!!!!), yeah well i kinda knew that my one mormon guy friend would have either a very hard time accepting this, or he would not accept it at all. So today i was eating my lunch and working on my biology project when he came into the classroom i was eating in (i don't eat in the cafeteria because it sucks) and told me that he needed to talk. Well being kinda prepared for this i had some ideas as to what was gonna happen but I wasn't really expercing what did happen. So we go outside in the absolutely freezing weather, and stupid me I forgot my warm jacket and scarf so I was shivering a ton but anyways, and he just begins to talk. Well I can't remember everything but essentially what he said was that he didn't think he could me my friend anymore because he couldn't accept me as gay. Well I of course responded ever so calmly that maybe you just need more time, but he said no and continued to say how he has talked it over with people and he thinks that this is the only thing he can do if he wants to stay true to his beliefs (even though mormonism teaches that you must love everyone despite their "sin"). Well I kinda expected this so I wasn't too shocked but what I was shocked about was the fact that he began crying there. Well this guy NEVER cries, and he just kept speaking saying that he hates himself for the fact that he can't accept me because we've been friends for so long. Well i was just in shock and I didn't know what to do, because I knew that a hug might not be the best thing in this situation because he may misrepresent it so I felt really uncomfortable because I wanted to give him a hug (purely platonic people no romance in it, he's not the one i have a crush on). Well that made me feel horrible, but there was not much more I could really do except tell him the truth. That I respect his decision and that I'm going to miss his friendship and that he should know that he can always talk to me. Well after some more tears from him (not from me because I was still in shock) we did hug each other goodbye and shake hands. Yeah, that kinda killed the rest of my day because my mind was still racing over what happened. Obviously I told my best friend, and she got pissed at him and wanted to kick him but then she moved on and wanted to cry too because it meant taht we wouldn't be friends anymore (me and him not me and her). Well she wanted all the details, but I spared some because I still care about him and don't want to breach his confidence. So for pretty much the wholre remainder of the school day I was in shock, and the fact that I've lost him slowly sank in but didn't fully hit me until I got home and was listning tothe song that I think best represents my determination ("Across the Universe" by the Beatles). Yeah sorry if this is kinda illegible but i'm still sad and just wanted to share my feelings. So in all I'm glad that he was truthful to me, and kind, but I'm just devistated by the fact that I'm not going to be able to hang out with him anymore. I feel that I handled the situation the best I could, even though I wished I could have done more to comfort him, but that would just have made this harder for him, and I'm very glad that he knows that if he ever comes to terms with this that i would accept him back with open arms. Well that's my rant of the day. Sadness.

Comments

Duncan's picture

I understand what you're talk

I understand what you're talking about. I've lost some people because of coming out. It really sux, especially when you're good friends and then the person just can't deal. One thing that you can be happy about though, and I know that it probably doesn't ease the pain, he had the decency to want to sit down with you and talk to you. Plus he cried, wich means he obviously is being torn a bit here. He also hugged you and shook your hand; something he wouldn't have done if he didn't like you. It could have been worse. He could have been an ass and started teasing you, or not even say anything, just stop hanging out with you. He did what he thought to be right, and that, combined with the way he told you and such, is the "est negative" reaction you could ask for. But like I said, I know that it probably isn't helping right now. It'll be okay. *Hug!!*