Well, I had a really weird day today...well that is to say,, a weird night. My aunt and uncle came over to stay since their house is getting renovated and this weekend they got kicked out by the builders. It was cool. They came over, got a little drunk and it was just a weird night. Our dogs started playing and chasing each other throughout the night and then my dog started humping my uncle's dog...or at least trying to...my uncle's dog ran away. We couldn't stop laughing, probably cause of the alcohol, but for some reason it was hilarious. I found out my dog's gay too...How weird and or ironic is that? Serioiusly, what are the chances that my dog was gay too. It was weird but funny. My uncle kept cracking gay jokes all night because of it though, which made me a little uncomfortable, but, as I was slightly drunk and the jokes, though stereotypes were freakin' hilarious. Dinner was good though.
I guess life has been getting better since my last posts, but after my uncle started asking questions about my dad and my mom talking about fears she has of what he might do since I have stopped talking to him about two weeks ago. My grades have been going back up since I dropped a class, but I am still struggling w/ my P.T.S.D. and my bi-polar and my depression due to being gay. My uncle started talking about what I'm gonna do after high school, and honestly, I have no idea. My uncle only asked because my sister is moving to a new apartment un the u-district tomorrow and my cousins are either at college playing football or at graduate school planning their wedding. I seriously know what I wanna do w/ my life , but there's one slight problem: I'm gay. I want to work on cars, motorcycles and bikes. My goal is to start my own bicycle and chopper shop dedicated to all aspects of cycling and bringing back the old school of motorcycle fabrication that my father, an ex- chopper builder and hardcore biker, taught me to fall in love with. The only problem is that most of the crowd that like s those things are a bunch of straight guys who are homophobic and that would hurt any chance of a successful business. maybe I should just become an arms dealer like my father of a druglord like my grandfather. Sure, those occuopations make you an evil douche, but they also make you a lot of cash...A lot of cash.
It sucks that I can't do what I want without facing harsh reality and discrmination, but I suppose I could always live in denial as I have for so many years...I've gotten to be a pretty good liar thanks to dealing w/ my father. I am honestly a little depressed again. I have to write an engliush paper that says ' How the hec did I gett here? " for my english class by tuesday. I wonder what I should write aboout. Also, that guy I like in my pe class keeps flirting with me w/ his eyes. It's like he knows that I'm gay, even though he doesn't even know me. It's f-in weird. I don't know what I should do about this crush, because I sure as hell can't come out, first off because of social pressures and because of threats made by my father. I just don't know what the fuck to do about life right now.