Well, I can officially say that my life is still and probably will remain, in a state of chaos. This week, my counselor at my school called a meeting w/ my teachers and my mom. Pretty much, I ended out telling them a little of what's been going on in my life, but not a lot. I was forced to drop a class in the end and I may end out having to switch into a non AP history class. Well, that sucks. Damn my ptsd and my bi-polar and my depression due to being gay.
It just sucks. I did have a little bit of positive stuff happen this week though. Last friday, I went to a concert w/ some friends who I've not hung out w/ in about a year, it was cool, but it also sucked. There is so much pressure from my group of friends to date and get a girlfriend , which, because I'm gay, I can't do w/o hurting the girl in the end.
Valentines day went just as any other day would. I got hugged by a friends friend who, like me, hates the holiday. She was yelling" Yay, we can hate it together!" I really wish I were straight, then I could go out w/ her. She is a really nice person.
I guess any journal anyone here on oasis posts is open to anyone to read at anytime via google. I tried barralai's forum idea and I ended out finding all of my journals for the public to view on google, next to a bunch or car companies and bike racing/ stunt show things. Man, I should have chosen a better username. I might end out switching it. I will probably end out messaging adrian or jeff about it tomorrow if I can. I thought my journals were only viewable on oasis. I'm glad to see that devildog,AKA sam, is back on though. It kind of scared me when she disappeared for so long after her last entry in which she sounded pretty down.
Anyway, on to school. My social life continues as it has: virtually non-existant. I have falling grades in all my classes and I can't concentrate on school. It's just too damn hard. To make matters worse, in my p.e. class, there is a guy who I have liked since he was in my math class last year. He hasn't showed up in a while, but he's in my class. I kind of have a crush on him now, though I didn't when he was in my math class last year. What makes it really hard is that I'm almost 100% sure that he is gay and not only that, our interests are almost exactly the same. Were both totally crazy about biking, though he is a roadie and I'm into mountain/bmx riding.
The other day, he was talking to me before class about the stp race, which is a fairly flat 1-2 day road ride from downtown seattle to portland. About four years ago, I rode road bikes and raced road enough to to this race. I even trained for it. I wonder whether I should see whether he would want to go on training rides together. It would get me in better shape for summer and I would get to know him a little better. Or would that be too much like dating? I don't know.
Anyway, I have to watch what I say on here now, because a lot of people might be viewing my journal via google. Anyway, devildog, I'm glad ur back and to the rest of you, have a good week.