"How uncomfortable does this make you?"
His hand, so close to my center, resting on my thigh
I embrace the touch, a contact with life
But what emotion is there?
He tests me often
Perhaps trying to "fix" me,
Or does he want me to...
"Scale of 1 to 10..."
Another day, another touch
Makes me question everything, everything
If it feels so right, why does it feel wrong?
This is what's normal, this is what should be
I should love this much more than I do
He digusts me for being him...
"You're on the list too."
A third day, alone talking about
Who we "like", in That Way.
And so there it is, he wants me
I almost want him
Because I crave what he would give me
But not who he is...
...what he is.
And then here it comes. The Kiss.
Soft and slow and then faster faster
Can't take it
Too much for me...
Why oh why oh why must I be the way I am
I want to be normal but I want to be me
A deep burning secret keeps me from "free"
I try to embrace
I try to be proud
I just want to scream and drown out all sound...
...sounds of crying inside