(I missed Thursday's entry and whatever happened then is completely forgotten because Friday was huge!)
I woke up late in the morning. I mean, I *always* wake up late but this was even later than usual. I leave my room at the time I'm supposed to be leaving my house and my dad is there waiting for me. I'm standing at the top of the stairs and he's behind me. He grabbed my shoulders and starting shaking me. "Do you need help getting downstairs?!" he was yelling. I really thought he was going to throw me down the stairs. I would've died if he had. I would be dead and gone and for the worst reason. I was so terrified I was crying. I don't really remember how I left the house, but it was without eating, without brushing my hair or teeth, without tying my shoes. I somehow caught the bus to school. I went to be alone, far away from my friends. I didn't want any of them to see me cry but the first person who came up and asked what was wrong I broke down sobbing into her shoulder. We've been friends since elementary school and I've never ever done that. She was shocked.
Then AS (he's not an ass anymore but it's stuck) came over but I didn't tell him what was wrong. Then I was alone. I was sitting on my bookbag leaning against the brick wall of my school. Out of the corner of my eye I saw MM coming in my direction. I was glad to see her. If I could just talk to her alone for a few minutes I'd be okay for the rest of the day. Screw that.
Seven other people came too.
At least they all cared. They were all concerned. Someone said "child abuse" and I thought, is this what my life has come to? A victim of child abuse? Surely not. Surely I'll wake up in a few mintes to my alarm clock screaming at me, loud and annoying as ever... But I didn't.
The rest of the day was a blur until after school when K brought me out of it. Let's see... I remember MM talking to me while we hugged, "It'll be okay". She talked to me before gym too, even though it was out of the way of where she needed to go. I lost my favorite necklace. My MP3 player ran out of batteries in math. I had chips at lunch. I got a 98% on a test in LA that I don't remember taking. MM hugged me before the last class, "I'll make sure you're okay, you'll be fine." I think I played tic tac toe with the girl beside me in social studies.
Then after school. I was spaced out, leaning against a window. I was with my friends but I wasn't *with* them. I have no idea what I was thinking about or if I was even thinking at all. Suddenly someone's arms were around me and they kissed me on the cheek before disappearing inside. It was K. She didn't know what was wrong. Maybe she was deciding to finally be friendly, maybe she could see I needed that. I've no idea. I didn't even look to see if MM had noticed. I might have smiled a little. The rest of the twenty minutes before my bus got there is fairly vivid in my memory, compared to the fuzz that represents the rest of the day. J came and talked to me. He's pretty nice. K came and hugged me again, for a long time. MM and I were having a conversation with our eyes. I was confused but happier and she was happy that I was happy. Then J pretended to hump K from behind and she let go of me.
MM was leaving. She gave me a hug and said "I know you'll be okay." Suddenly it was a giant group hug. Someone was touching my butt. "Who's hand is that?" No one 'fessed up. "No really, who's hand is that?" It was K, I found out a minute later.
MM offered to give me a number, if I needed to talk to her. I didn't accept. I would feel obligated to call but at the same time I wouldn't've wanted to bug her, especially since I knew my family would pretend that morning hadn't happened. I was right with that by the way. Then she was gone and I have to wait until Monday to see her and reassure her I'm okay.
Then a bunch of other people left. It was just J, S, K, and MM's Boyfriend (for the rest of this he'll be D because it's a helluvalot shorter). K pinched my butt. D and Josh were deep in conversation, something about liking more than one girl so I didn't join in. After all, I only want one girl. I wouldn't fit in that conversation.
S and I were talking about someone kissing me, I think her name is C (my version of her name anywho), and how I'd like it. It wasn't a serious conversation. S kissed me on the cheek at the end of it. K pinched my butt again.
My hands were cold and they were in my coat. D said "Hey, M" (talking to me) and S said "No no no. It's babe, honey, or beautiful." And D said, "In that case, hey beautiful. Your hands. You're doing a jedi thing." And J starts laughing "How do you do that?!" And I'm like, "My hands are cold. What else would I do?"
So they all start trying to imitate me. But my hands are small and my coat is big and I was the only one that could comfortably acheive the Jedi Hand Warmer.
Then my bus got there. So I left. Went home. Damn was I scared to walk through that door. But it was as though it was an ordinary day. As though nothing emotionally scarring had happened before I left that morning. As though I wasn't there. Just like always.