hello

randombamfan's picture

Erm im writing this is it so far, Plzzz let me know whaqt ya think i want brutel Honesty
but here it is thi is a snippet of the etart.

Cell Bird.
By Kathleen Horton.

For Amy.

Chapter 1
Thinking

She looked from the cold stone walls, over to the dismal barred window. She lay herself down on the cold thin mattress, upon her bunk. She then pulled a photograph from underneath her pillow; it was a picture of two young women smiling. One was taller than the other, and had dyed black hair, with vibrant green eyes. The other was a perfect vision of beauty. She was slim, slightly shorter than the other, with shoulder length brown hair and soft blue eyes. She then turned the photo over. On the back of the photo was a hand written message.

“Dear Kat,
I’m writing this, as a reminder of my love for you.
You will forever be a part of me. I never want to loose you,
You have always been, and will always be my one true love.
My love for you grows each time we kiss. I love you.
My love always,
Amy

The woman holding the photo sighed.
“Kat, are you looking at that dam photo again?

Comments

the mouse that roared's picture

:)

I like the emotions in this story. It has the potential to be poignant, if you rework it. Let us guess more--don't tell us everything, and don't tell us right away. Less is more. Set the prison scene first, and then have Kat look at the picture, cling to it, write the letter, and lie in bed unable to sleep. Don't do Amy's perspective--you don't even have to include her name. If you want to add a dream or so after, make sure it sounds like it's not reality.

Overall, though, you have some great ideas here--you just need to work on it a bit and this could be a great story!

Are you hanging on to something useless just because you think it's beautiful?
--William Zinsser

millyx's picture

great story

i rele enjoyed this story it was great hope for some more like this