I dated a guy and it made my parents decide I'm not gay, I never was gay, and I'm admitting that's the case.

But the fact is, I am a lesbian, was a lesbian, and am not saying anything on the contrary.

I've kept quiet about this for the most part to my parents, because I figure we'll just fight and it will be the same fight as before, and it won't go anywhere. And it's hard to find girls in this town, so I guess I figured they'll think what they'll think, but one day the'll see that I am indeed this lesbian they thought I'd ceased to be. Or in their case, probably thought I'd ceased "thinking" I was. Whatever...

It's so infuriating, because it is constant rejection, it's them flaunting that they always knew I wasn't gay. And I just want to scream at them. And lately I've made some moves in that direction. But it hurts to be around them, and I've never gotten anywhere with them in the four years I've been out to my parents.

I just need to move again. It'll be nice when in-state tutition isn't holding me back. But I'm hoping to study abroad next year, and Germany and Europe would be all kinds of freedom that I've been missing since I left New York.

Further on the dating a guy thing, my dad actually started treating the boyfriend like he was more responsible (or something??) than me, and would comment to him instead of me, as if he trusted him more or something (for bringing me to my senses? yeah right.) And that is really so stupid... It's hard to put it more eloquently than that, but, my parents are really so difficult when it comes down to it.

So I'm comiserating on Oasis.

But Germany, I need to get out of Montana, that'd solve a lot of problems.