Hello, everybody. I see some new faces, some old. I'm one of the (more-) original Oasians (#111 to be exact). I fell off the Oasis map for personal reasons but am now back because this is truly a unique site.
Since I last left I entered my junior year of college, found Ubuntu Linux (many thanks to Adrian for turning me on...to Ubuntu and to GNU/Linux in general) and have since taken a foray into the Mac OS/X world (and love it, mostly for the superior integration of hardware and software). I'm still a Geology and Spanish double-major and plan on studying in Madrid, next semester.
The real reason I'm writing this blog, however, is to have a place to vent. The first of my major woes is politics. I suppose you could call me a polito-masochist -- that is to say I am interested in politics and immerse myself in it daily but am disgusted with how often it disappoints me. Bush has fucked up so much it's inconceivable that he hasn't been impeached or recalled already. It's inconceivable that he even won any elections, but that's further in the past. For my sake as well as America's and the World's sake he should be kicked out of office so fast he doesn't have time to take up drinking heavily again. For my sake because, since I'll be going to Madrid, I'll have to explain myself to Spaniards who want to put up a verbal fisticuff even though I'm a liberal.
The second of my woes is boys. There's this one I'm really interested in and since I'm too shy, I'm letting him call the shots. He seems interested in me too and shows it many times but perhaps he's just flirtatious in nature. Is he even worth it since he may graduate this year? He's certainly knows more people than I do since he's more involved on campus -- water polo (I know, I know) -- so in a way he could have someone better. Perhaps I'm just fixed on this guy since he's one of the only other masculine gay guys I know. Hell, I don't even know if he's gay. To those of you versed in The Facebook, he lists his interests as Men and Women, so is he bi? He did say that his mom took him coming out as gay not too well.
Being masculine and gay is kind of a catch-22 in terms of dating. You appear masculine and, depending on your level of outness/openness, it's not readily evident that you're gay. Perhaps that's one of the reasons stereotypical homosexuality is so blatant and centered on physical appearance and as such has survived...social darwinism minus the economic aspects.
I'm not too evident in my homosexuality so it's not too much of a surprise that I am not "in the gay scene", take that for what you will. I wonder how I would go about getting to know other guys. Perhaps my boundaries are too narrowly defined.
I keep telling myself to be more outgoing, more friendly, less shy, less verbally constipated. More of this, less of that. Can't I just be happy with who and what I am? To a degree I am. I just am not content with where it has brought me today.
I'm not wont to believe in fate, but maybe I'd be better off to let things fall where they will. Que será, será. But in a world of free will, is there room for complacency? My favorite quote comes from the AIDS quilt: "The greatest waste on Earth is potential unrealized." If you don't volunteer to be your own agent, who will? Who will be your voice but yourself? It's clear to me that I should be the one to guide myself down the path of my choosing, but where do I get The Guidebook. If you couldn't tell already, indecision is a large part of this post. Decisions seem to come more easily to other people, but then again I don't let on that I'm this indecisive. Perhaps I shouldn't be so naive to dismiss any notion that my friends aren't culpable of that too. Or do they have the Guidebook? Maybe, just maybe, they don't have one either and instead crafted their own. Perhaps they've had a headstart whereas I'm just now realizing this. Therefore, should I do what is in my reach or strive for what's beyond arm's length?
Perhaps. Maybe. Fate or free will? Indecision plagues me yet I know not what to do. Perhaps I'll be more courageous, less timid. Maybe I'll choose my destiny.
On to a more lighter and less theoretical note. Any of you know what podcasting is? It's basically internet radio that is placed on the web as a file to be downloaded. You can listen to it on your computer or on an iPod/portable mp3 player. If you have heard of podcasting I highly recommend listening/subscribing to Democracy Now. It's an independent news show that lasts an hour and explores stories and events that are glossed over or ignored in conventional media. Definitely check it out.
Also, you may want to check out Madge Weinstein, a Jewish lesbian living in Chicago. I'm not a fan of schtick, but her schtick is to die for. Also listen to Feast of Fools. It's a news and entertainment show hosted always by Fausto and sometimes his husband Marc. It's also high on my list.