So she knows how i feel about her. That was a quarter of the battle...I thought at one time that that was halft the battle, but it isn't. It seems to have complicated our friendship. Like, ordinary arguments between friends, turns into an emotional battle. I don't like to fight, well, not with words anyway...but I do it. I suck!
Yeah, I belittle myself a bit too. Sometimes I feel like I need to seek professional help. I'm on here because I need to vent much, I have people to talk to in real life - but I don't, and it's eating me alive.
What's worse, is that she often makes statements about how she has no idea what my "type" is, because i never talk to her about it. DAMNIT!! I wish she could just understand that I'm not over her in anyway...no matter how many times she kisses me and tells me we can't be, or tells me we can never be, or how many times she has to tell me who she's been with or what not.
I can't figure it out! All i can do is love her anyway! People wonder about me...I know, and I'd like to say i don't care, but deep down...it hurts to not be open about myself. To not really be able to understand myself.
The few people who i have told, basically made me feel like they didn't care, but that they know that I'm really not homo. Like being homo is the end of the world. No wonder homosexuals commit suiced so often. People are so unaccepting of us as individuals and collectively, that it's easier to bottle everything up, with the exception of talking about it online.
I'm sorry if I've offended anyone or if this is so pessimistic that you're now depressed too. So I'm gonna stop writing.