so today I'm kind of mad. when I went to school I met this friend and we really hit it off and we became really really close (in an non romatic way) (even though I think I may like her...which could be the root of my problem). she helped me through a really rough time, totally standing by me, making me laugh when I could use it and listening. I helped her out too, we were like best buds. she decided to transfer schools, which is fine because I want her to be happy and she wasn't really at our school. I'm disappointed because she won't be at school, but I want her to be happy.
Ok, so the thing is...I've hardly heard from her all summer. An email here, talking online every once in a while...but nothing major. she lives close to me...she lives in the city and I live in a suburb of the city, but i havent seen her since may. the last time i talked to her was the beginning of june. she says shes been busy and i have too. but i feel like if she really wanted to be friends with me...we'd figure out a way to talk and a way to see each other. she went on vacation for three weeks...she's been back for four days now and i havent heard from her. maybe im being weird, but i think i would call/email someone who i regarded as a close friend after i got back from a vacation.
I told her before she left that i felt like she didn't want to talk to me anymore. she said that was silly and that if she were my friend why wouldn't she want to talk to me. but then she doesn't return phone calls i make to her and everytime i suggest we do something...she's busy or something comes up and she never suggests doing anything. its just really frustrating because i feel like i had this great friendship..and now i lost it and i dont even know how the hell or why it happened.
I said before that i might have hade feelings for her, but shes straight...i would never EVER tell her that i had feelings for her..i feel like that would be totally unfair and putting her in a really uncomfortable position, plus she has a boyfriend. she knows im gay, shes one of the first people at school i told, and shes totally fine with it...so much so that we can joke about thinking each other is hot, ect. so i dont think that could be the reason she doesn't talk to me anymore.
I feel like maybe it might be an out of sight out of mind thing. its not like school where i'm around, so she doesn't think to call or email me. but that sucks. esp. since she's going to a different school next year.
I know i probably need to move on and just take it easy and forget about it and when and if she decided to contact me..she will.
it just makes me sad. so i dunno. i dont know what to think, or what to expect. i think maybe it is so hard for me because i do/did have feelings for her, but at the same time...it really sucks to lose a friendship like that. blah. so i have no idea. just a crappy situation i guess. goober.