Need Advice
Okay. I am a lesbian. I realized it when I was 13 and never had any crushes on boys. I'm nearly 16 now, and my friends know and they are okay with it. I want to be able to tell my parents. I'm pretty sure my mom would be okay with it. I have mentioned my gay friends before, and she is perfectly nice and treats them like any of my other friends. I'm not so sure about my dad though. He seems to think that gay people are messed up. He doesn't mind if people are gay, and he certainly isn't homophobic or anything, but I don't think that he would believe me that I'm a lesbian, and I also think he would be very upset, and he wouldn't accept it. And I don't know what I should do. I need to be able to tell my parents, because I hate lying to them when I'm going out on a date with a girl...I just don't know how to tell them. They are divorced, and I live with my dad, but I am going to my mom's tomorrow, so if someone could give me some advice before I go, I would really appreciate it. Thanks.
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If you tell your mom, ask her
If you tell your mom, ask her if she can help you come out to your dad. It worked for me. Here's why;
Your mom married your dad, so, hopefully, she knows him pretty intimately, even though they are divorced. She may be able to tell you the when, the where, and the how.
For me, it was at a local steak house, after he had had some martinies, and I was paying for the whole meal. I told him by asking him how I could come out to my brothers. I did not really need his help, it was because my mom says that he liked it when people asked him for help, so that made my coming out easier.
"What is the purpose of life? It is to create our own purpose."
Several suggestions
You seem to have it under control with your mom. As for your dad there are several things that you could do.
1. Have support. If you told your mom first then you could have her there for support or maybe a friend. You might be more comfortable if someone who already knew was there with you.
2. If you really can't tell him face-to-face then you might be able to try to tell him over the phone.
3. If you can't tell him then you could write a letter. I've heard that this helps.
4. If you can't tell him or write a letter then you could always drop hints or have him "accidently" find out.
5. If these don't work or you can't find another way to tell him then maybe it's not just the right time. You could always wait and maybe you will find a time when it comes up in conversation or you are comfortable enough to tell him.
I hope this helps. Good luck. And remember he may not seem comfortable with it now but it's very possible that he may be fine with it once you tell him. He'll love you either way and will therefore accept you and probably be more comfortable with gays.
As for how to convince him, i don't know exactly but if you stay serious and keep saying it he should believe you and see the truth.
First off, you said: He se
First off, you said:
He seems to think that gay people are messed up.
Followed by:
he certainly isn't homophobic or anything
FYI, that's like, the definiton of being homophobic.
Anyway, especially since your parents are divorced, it's totally okay to tell your mom first. As Ghosba said, she might have some tips as to how to tell him, and might even be willing to do it with you.
In the cases of both parents, make sure you tell them when the time is right (you're really ready and there isn't some other major stressful thing going on in your family).
Good luck!
Did they love you or what?